Wednesday, August 17, 2011

You know when theres like, that one thing that you know you just HAVE to do?
And how about that one thing that you really DON'T WANT to do?
Just so happens . . . the 2 of them have joined ranks and decided to make one huge problem for me.
I HAVE to do this, and yet it k.i.l.l.s. me inside.
i am scared of how you'll react. im scared to even take that first step.
the only thing im not scared of is that we'll end.
honestly, the dark truth is thats what im aiming for.
i am sick and tired of our relationship.
Because, the truth, is that it really isn't much of a "relationship" at all anymore.
im just done. i already basically ended one relationship this week. might as well make it two. and the thing is, the first relationship was one i actually cared about. it was one i didn't want to see end. but it did because it had to. it wasn't a healthy relationship.
honestly, thats what ours has become.
an unhealthy "relationship".
And i cant keep putting myself through stuff like this.
So, im sorry if this hurts you. ok, im sorry WHEN this hurts you. cuz its gonna. and please believe me when i say i am truly sorry.
But i need to do what i need to do. and ill try to do it as nicely as possible, but...
im gonna do it.
I hate having to end things. Even though this is something i want ended, i hate actually having to DO it.
I hate that i have to hurt you.
im pretty sure that somewhere down the line, i promised id never do that.
but you promised things too.
things your actions have shown you never really meant.
ugh, why cant you just be a jerk? just for 10 minutes.
cuz when you're nice....
it hurts me even more. it hurts to think i have to be the one to hurt you.
goshhh...why do i always get myself in situations like this?
sometimes, i think i need to stop trusting.
but the weird thing is, ive never seen this side of the game.
im usually the one getting ignored and left.
ive never been the one to ignore and leave...
quite honestly, im really not sure which one i like better....
im really not sure...
all i know?
im sick of playing games. period.

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