Thursday, November 25, 2010

"please take down the mistletoe, cuz i don't wanna think about that right now, cuz everything i want, is miles away, in a snow covered little town..." ♥ ♥ 

Sunday, November 21, 2010

"turns out freedom ain't nothin but missin you.." ♥

i have got to stop holding on sooo tight...
because all it does is hurt me. and i am so so sick of getting hurt. so sick.
i can't take this and yet i need you....

so i put up with it.
nobody knows how much i need you. in fact, i don't even think you know.
maybe i don't even know. but the point is...i need you. 
sometime i wonder how you feel about me. sometimes i wish i wouldn't fall so hard, so fast.
but its who i am. and most of the time i love it...but then those times that i fall expecting someone to catch me, and fall flat on my face instead...its those times i kinda wish i had a different personality...♥ 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

"it's never too late to get it back..."

but this might be.
i might have actually messed it up to the point of being forever broken...and i am sorry.

"your guard is up, and i know why, because the last time, you saw me, is still burned in the back of your mind...."

i'm so. so. so sorry.

and that's all i got. i know there is nothing i can change this. but i know i needed to say that. please forgive me. please let me move on. please let go of my heart, because all you're doing is breaking it further.

the problem: you don't even know you have my heart...

"i'd go back in time and change it but i can't, so if the chain is on your door....i understand..."

Sunday, November 14, 2010

"so i'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes, all that i know is i don't know, how to be something you miss"

will i ever, EVER be perfect enough?!?! i think not. i feel like...i keep messing up and i keep falling short. and i am so confused. i don't even know where i stand at this moment. so how could i possibly figure out someone else?  
"you are an expert, at sorry, and keeping lines blurry, never impressed by me acing your tests..."
maybe...maybe i am so sick of wondering. i want to......arghhhhhh!!!!!!
what i want is for you to come here....and YELL AT ME!!! i really do. tell me i am wrong. tell me to get a grip. grab me by the shoulders and make me look you in the eye. make me listen to you. and say...everything. just be mad at me. just for once. 

because i am sick of being mad at myself. i am sick of my shortcomings...and i am sick of hating myself for loving you, when it seems you couldn't care LESS!! 

if i could even hear you say that you love me, the way i love dreams wouldn't HAVE to be the thing that keeps you alive. if i just knew you loved me.
if i just knew IF you loved me

i if you were here...

i could stop falling apart.

....i'd really like to stop falling apart.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"you can't grow old...with a beautiful idea

"im feelin like a star, you can't stop my shine, i'm lovin cloud nine, my head's in the sky, i'm solo, ridin solo...." <3
i AM alone. i am by myself but...maybe that's not a bad thing, i mean, i am only like dying without you here, but there has got to be a way to make this work. because you are not here, i am not there, blah blah blah...i've only said this stuff like 6,000,000,000 times!! 
maybe i need to embrace the fact that i am single...ridin solo.

 i miss you.

did you know that?? yea, well i do. i have been thinking lately, and i am almost glad that i haven't seen you in a while, cuz lately i feel like if i did see you...i'd have to tell you. i'm not sure i could keep it in...given the opportunity to let it out. 
ahhhhhhh, do you even know...what you do to me? how much it hurts being without you? and maybe...all this time i have devoted to dreaming about you and maybe i have wrecked it. because maybe when i see you again, you won't be everything i remembered. maybe i have dreamed up a completely new, perfect and unrealistic person...and just given him your name. these sun rays...piercing through my window...and being without you...piercing through my heart. 
i miss you like crazy, but can anybody tell me, if i am really missing you? or am i missing, instead, what i made you out to be..? is it really you i love? is it really you that i want to love me? or am i simply in love with the idea? "you can't grow old, with a beautiful idea" 
do i want to be loved so desperately...or do i love you?? why can't i even tell?? argh! this only irritates me LIKE CRAZY!!!

i  <3

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Blank It Out!!!

this is probably one of my favorite songs ever that i wrote <3 its a song written from quite a few different angles, and includes some real things that happen almost exactly as described. it is written with a certain person in mind...of course ;) anyways, i just wanted to share this and...let me know what you think? :) thanks! ~Momo <3

Blank It Out

theres not a day that passes by that i dont think about you
i still apologize to the silence whenever i do
i look in the mirror and all i see
isn't the beautiful girl that i used to be
i see the girl that left you out in the cold
i see the girl that broke your heart that was whole

i walk outside the wind hits my face
and i flash back for the second time today
to last december we walked these streets 
i was freezing and you gave your sweatshirt to me
that left you bare armed in the crisp december air
i pointed that out, you said you didn't care
if i was warm that's all that mattered
you were the best boyfriend i've ever had
i wish i could've captured the look on your face when i told you this wasn't working out
i wish i had it stored somewhere so i could blank it out….

why'd you have go and be so perfect
how i was the one that had to ruin it
and you were there every second you never let me down
and i know i crushed you…but you never made a sound
i say i can't reminisce
but you don't seem to get it
you take me back
make me look at that….again

when summer came around
we were messin around
and you grabbed the garden hose
i ran around screamin "no!!"
yet, relentlessly
you sprayed me
and we fell to the ground
laughin aloud
you whispered something bout missin me and how it felt
you just can't see i wanna blank it out

i get up and scream
im so so sorry
i wish i had a picture
i'd throw it in the fire
and smile as i watched it burn
but even though the trace is gone
that doesn't change what i did wrong
your memory still screams 'when will you ever learn???'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~musical breakdown~~~~~~~~~~~~
yet your silence is blatant
you look me in the eyes and i wish you wouldn't
just yell, scream
do something
don't sit there and look at me
c'mon, come and hurt me….

but you keep your silence,
i say, "do you know how much i'm hurting"
and stunned by your answer i step back
you say "i sure do, i know all about that…."
and then im beggin, 
down on my knees and everything
let's move on, now, and forget about
baby join me and let's blank it out…..<3

thanks for checkin this out and if ya wanna let me know what you think?? :) haha, thanks! Love, MoMo :)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

no one could ever be you

when things hit me they hit me deep into my soul
and i hafta say this feels, like a really cruel joke
i was prayin so hard, and he seemed fine
i guess i got my hopes up, just way too high
i know You didn't lead me wrong
i know i took Your Words and twisted them around

i just wanted to believe the best
so i just took the good and threw away the rest
i dont see, another way out
i just dont wanna live without
you cant you see
and i know what i know but that dont make it easy
this is driving me crazy
i love you more than words can say…
i don't want anyone the way i want you
baby no one could ever be you

my life likes to repeat
especially things that were hard for me
and ive been crying tears like heavy rain
my heart feels like a hurricane
and any move i make
could seal your fate
messed up thinking i know
but im quickly runnin outta hope
and i still have faith
you never know what might change
there i go again fantasizing
reality i know thats not right

i wanna believe the best
so i just took the good and threw away the rest
i dont see, another way out
i just dont wanna live without
you cant you see
and i know what i know but that dont make it easy
this is driving me crazy
i love you more than words can say…
i dont want anybody the way i want you
baby no one..could ever be you

words cant say…how i feel about you
i cant see me…movin on without you
dont think for a second
i wont miss you everyday
im tryin not to get upset
but the tears give way
didnt want you to see me like this but at least you know
i still love you now and i wont..ever..let you go…!

baby i believe the best
so i took all the good, baby left all the rest
i sit here feelin so helpless
and i dont want, anyone else
i just don't see the use, 
because baby no one could be you… <3 

im gonna miss you. i love you...always <3

Saturday, November 6, 2010

"drop everything now, meet me in the pourin rain..."

i imagine you…like all the time. somedays, there's hardly a moment passes that you're not on my mind.
and im a busy girl. i have things to do..and yet…you always seem to find a way to distract me.
but i like it. i'd be lying to say that i don't. 
i miss you like crazy. i imagine you here with me sometimes. and that eases the pain…a little. but sometimes its so intense…i can hardly stand it.
"how did we, ever come to this? i never thought you'd be, someone i had to miss.." i took for granted all the time we had together. and now you're not here..and i cant be there..*sigh.
this is quite a mess, is it not? but i am smiling even saying this, thinking that a mess with you would be better than perfection alone. 

maybe im crazy. 
wouldn't surprise me ;)
wow…but you see, the funny thing, is that i can change none of this. i wish i could. i often long for the days we will be together forever and i will never have to miss you. 
and who is to say that it will ever go like that, but i dream. i am a dreamer by nature. and you are my passion. one of em, anyways ;) haha, i wish…
i wish you were here.
i wish you were close to me.
i wish you sarcasm.
i wish you knew how much i love you.

wow, it scares me to think that you might not love me! i just thought about how i feel for you, and then pictured you sitting in your country home…what if you don't love me?? why did even that thought scare me so much?
maybe it has to do with wanting one thing…one person that loves me unconditionally. oh, i know my Jesus does. but i guess i always imagined you loving me that way too. "not in spite of, but because of, your flaws…" <3
love. you. me. together. there's just no other way… <3

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"I'm comin home..."

ok, so i am feeling better, compared to the last post...just tired of being second best, i guess...really tired.

but life is life and you just gotta deal.. 

i really am happy...just tired sometimes...worn out. ragged. i need to go Home. i need to fall into His arms. i can feel Him telling me that the way to do this is to open my Bible.. i wonder why i never listen..?? 
but, right here, i am making a pledge. 

for the next week, i promise to spend at least 15 minutes in the Word, daily <3

Daddy...i'm coming home :)

what else is there to say...?

i'm losing it...losing faith...simple as that...

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

"there's no lookin back, i took off my rearview..."

haha, i just realized it is now november :) its so crazy to think that there is only 2 more months of this year left! less than 60 days away from the end of 2010!! it scares me a little. to think that another year of my life has passed me by, basically. i haven't done a dang thing to make a difference. i made like 30 some new years resolutions this year and i don't think i stuck to a single one. my life is spinning out of control and i am just now stopping to realize this.

or maybe i am just blowing things out of proportion...again. maybe i really do have everything under control.

and maybe i'd be lying to say that.

the truth is,  i have no control.

and i haven't put Him in control either. 

what do i do?? how do i get my life on the track i so desperately want it to be?? i have been trying to get to youth group at my new church. but as it turns out, both times i have gotten up early to go, they weren't having it. why is it that even when i want my life to be on track, i can't seem to get it there???