i wanna text you but i don't wanna bug you. but then again, if you are really my friend, which i know you are, you'll be there for me.
you said so today.
but i..i guess im scared.
this all circles back to my 2 main issues.
security. &. trust.
i don't feel secure enough to feel worthy of your time.
And i don't trust that you wont get scared off and run away.
these 2 things apply to and control most everything i do. or don't do.
im just gonna text you.
seriously, how hard can this be?!
YOU SAID YOURSELF THAT YOURE THERE FOR ME!!!
....why can i never feel good enough for myself? why can i never find it in me to JUST. TRUST?!?!
Thats just it. im texting you. i don't know what im gonna do...if i don't.
God, please help me! Im reading my Bible, i prayer journaled, and i went to youth group. Ive been playing 99.9% Christian music. honestly, i hardly listen to ANYTHING ELSE anymore.
And yet...i feel SO far from You.
Just...just like at camp again.
Something that was supposed to bring me so close to You, just left me disappointed and empty.