Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I keep running because im scared to stop.

Playing "Truth Is?" on facebook. I love this game because i love the opportunity to tell people how much they mean to me.
Basically, my friend list is made up of only people i actually care about. So its not like someone is gonna like it, and ill have a hard time saying something nice.
But i love love love the chance that i get to tell people WHY they mean so much to me. What i like about them.
because i know, first hand, how easy it can be to forget these things.
I was up until 11:20 last night writing a 3 page letter, front and backs of the pages, to my friend.
A letter she will NEVER see.
It wasn't a mean one. It was a broken one.
I cant get over this.
I sit here and i feel stupid because i am just running the same course over and over again, and my friends are the ones that keep having to hear about it.
But i am hurt...and confused.
Somedays i know better and some days i know worse...if that even makes sense...
Basically, though, i gave our relationship to God last night. I don't want to hold onto it so tightly that i squeeze the life out of it.
Because, yes, i HAVE done that to things before.
But not this time. She means too much to me.
And besides, i want God in control.
Im sorry it took me this long to let go but... letting go.

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