Friday, June 18, 2010

Im Awake Now

Hey yall, im back :)
and ive got good news this time! I've "come back to" God. Not like i really walked away. but id just become very desensitized to the ways of this world and i'd really fallen away from having a relationship with Him. i was feeling like something was missing. i was feeling a little empty. And i was wondering what could fill me up. I was looking around the world trying to find what i thought i needed and wondered why it wasnt coming to me. and when it did come...why wasnt i feeling full...or at least better. why was it that all those relationships that i thought would make me feel less lonely actually did the opposite?
Its cuz they werent permanent. God is ALWAYS there. But my friends... arent. No human can be. I feel like being away from a church for so long, i forgot what i knew deep in my heart.
But this past week at church there was an 'Army of One' gathering. Lots of churches came together and we just worshipped for about 2 hours. And if anything is going to speak to me, its music. it was amazing. i could just literally FEEL God's Presence wash over me. I didnt even really wanna go Mini Golfing after that, which, honestly, is the big reason i went that night. (well, that and friends...) But God used that opportunity and...Pulled me to Him. He knew i needed it. I became sorta vulnerable there. I was open. And Jesus just jumped in. i dont know exactly how to explain it. i know it was real. it still is. I am making a more conscious (sp?) effort to have a relationship with Jesus. I dont WANT it to just be my 'religion'. i want it to be the relationship i say it is. And now im really getting back to that!! :) Praise God, right? He always knows exactly what we need and how to get it to us!! :)
So, i just wanted to tell all my blogging friends about this amazing experience...revitalization :D
momo <3

Monday, June 7, 2010


okay, heres the thing. ive been to quite a few different youth groups, but none of them quite fit the bill. im so sick of watching the leaders be more interested in giving us soda and getting us involved in a good game of dodgeball than sitting us down and really digging in deep about spiritual topics. dont they see thats what we need??? dont they understand that we can get what they are offering us anywhere??? some of us come to youth group to be fed. spiritually. and some of us come to youth group because its become a place to gather with your friends and get free pizza. for a long time i justified it by saying "well, at least they are meeting in a church, not on the streets". but really whats the difference?!?!?! its not like theres any teaching that goes with that pizza. its just become a hang out. we can go to teen night at the YMCA for that except...wait! that costs money! so see, the church has really just become a free meeting place. and im sorry if im offending anyone, but i am just absolutely disgusted. i think to some degree, my parents think i just dont wanna go to youth group. at one point that may have been true. but the ONLY reason i wont go now, is because of what it is. or rather, everything it isnt. so, instead of just complaining about the problem, im offering a solution. i have an idea. a baby plan. how im gonna put it in action i have no idea. im still not 100% sure that God is telling me to put my energy into this. and as ive said before, i dont see how i can "mentor" high school kids when I AM ONE!!! but here is what i do know: if this is what God wants me to do, He'll show me how. He'll map out my course, leave footprints for me to follow and be there by my side holding my hand to help me along. and as a good friend pointed out: "let no one despise you because of your youth..." (1 Timothy 4:12)

so i am going to go ahead now and tell you my depiction of what a youth group should (and hopefully someday will) look like. oh, and one other thing: there may be youth groups like this around. if there are any, please, let me know. these arent necessarily MY ideas. Just what i want to see. and as of late, what i want to put in action...

Weekly "Mentoring" Sessions: a strong Christian leader will meet with students on a need-to-basis. or weekly. the leader and the student will meet maybe at, say, Starbucks. just to talk, to catch up on their weeks. the idea is for the leader and the student to be friends. to be there for each other (obviously the leader is probably there for the student more than the other way around! but you never know!) if you really wanna know what i am talking about, read the melody carlson "Diary of a teenage girl" books. but ill try to just add parts of the books that pertain to what i am talking about later.

Weekly Youth Group Meetings: Incredible worship, a powerful, challenging message, and small groups. sounds like a regular youth group to me. but i am talking, like, seriously. i think a lot of times thats what youth group is SUPPOSED to look like, but the leaders are either not strong enough to keep the kids in line, or they are so afraid of scaring people away by being forceful that they end up sending the kids that really came there looking for something spiritual packing. and, once again, we are searching for a place we can JUST BE FED! really, is that SO much to ask? it sure seems like it! and im sorry, if im offending anyone. really, i am. but this is my opinion. take it...or leave it. but this is something i feel passionate about and im done just keeping my mouth shut for fear of hurting someones feelings. because shutting up doesnt get the world changed. it doesnt get homeless people homes and it doesnt get hungry kids fed... In ANY sense. Physical, spiritual, or otherwise.
Oh, i guess ive gotten away from my plan. well, back to it we go! :)
Now, this is actually a two-fold idea.
theres 2 Bi-Weekly plans that fit together.
so, one week theres plan one
next week theres plan two.
the following week theres plan one again,
so on and so forth.
now, to tell you what plans one and two are!
plan one: An in home small group for students that want to dig deeper into God's Word, each other lives and our own. To build relationships and be there for each other.
Plan two, "missions" trips. we just spend a night, every other week, going out as a group, a team, and showing others God's Love. As my family and i were discussing last night, its great, wonderful, to be fed in a church. but all that doesnt mean anything, or at least not as much as it could, if we arent being fed, and then going out into the world and feeding other people. only then are we living like Jesus. at least in this aspect. i dont know the particulars. but i mean even something as simple as... going to the gas station and washing peoples car windows while they pump their gas. or we could go out for ice cream and give the cashier money for the next peoples order. whether they look like they "need" it or not. thats not the point and thats really not up to us to decide, is it?
and what about a summer camp...? ok. im getting carried away. but i dont view that as a bad thing. not. at. all... :) i am so excited about this new idea God has planted inside of me! :)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Church thoughts....

hey yall :) its morgan. ive been thinking and im not really sure what i wanna talk to you guys about first, but... i guess first id hafta say that im sorry i havent been keeping up on this very well. But i promise that i am going to be doing a better job. Ok, now, off to blogging!!

Ive been thinking about church today. My family has been searching for a church for about 2 years now. We go from one church to another just trying to find one that suits our needs. That will fill us spiritually and lead us closer to God. I havent been that big on church ever. First because i was really just too young. And then as i got older we were leaving our home church because we were leaving our home and moving away. And what i just learned (although i think i knew parts of this) is that our "home church" just pretty much turned their backs on us once we decided we were leaving. And that was pretty crummy of them especially because we had been soooo involved in that church. We had been serving for years, we were there about every other day of the week being involved in many different ministries and whatnot. We filled the needs. And then when we had a need, they left us hanging dry.

So i guess that put a bad taste in my mouth about church. That, and when we moved, i just wanted to have what we had back home. And we just couldnt find it, we couldnt recreate it. Whenever we tried out a new church, i think i really just kept comparing it to our old church. And thus far, we've never found anything like that church. But we went back once and i realized it wasnt as great as i was remembering it to be. But that really wasnt even the point. I just liked that because we were so involved, we knew everybody. And knowing people and being known is an incredible feeling. Everyone loves it...

Oh, i guess one other thing i should mention so im throwing this in here. i am viewed as the "good Christian girl". the "by the book" kind of person. the funny thing is, i hate rules and i havent gone to church or even liked church much, in quite a while. And although i like the idea of church now, i cant find one that is anything like im even thinking a church should be! Go figure! anyways, its storming so im gonna sign off and so watch it (although technically, since i added this in here after i typed the whole post, theres still more for you to read even though im signing off!)

So now we are still trying to find a church. But ive really given up the notion of trying to find a church that compares to our old house. But i'll be honest. I have replaced this idea with a new one.

I want to start a church...moreover a youth group. More than i even care about having a good church to attend regularly, i care about a youth group. Because if there is one age group of people i feel God has really put on my heart, its kids my age. Things are so different for teenagers in this generation than they were for like even our parents when they were teens. The world is just a different place now.

So what I'm thinking is this very informal setting, where high school kids can get together. But here's the catch. 2 of them really. First: i really don't like most high school kids. I think they can be very shallow and immature. Second: I AM A HIGH SCHOOL KID!!!!!! yea, i know. What i really wanna do is help kids just like me. and kids that have had harder lives than me...

IDK. actually, i do. I wanna meet with them and talk and get coffee and just be a part of their lives. This is both a new desire and an old one. Its new to me how much passion i am suddenly feeling about this. But i have also been thinking about this and rolling it over in my mind for a while. i realize to some degree i need to be a little older to do this. i need to be maybe 20 or so. still young enough to be relateable but old enough to be like, not one of them.... or maybe there is something i can do now. maybe there is something i can do to relate to these kids, these teens, that are just like me.

i think ill pray about it. i mean, if this is God leading me, then i definitely wanna listen and follow. and if not, i dont wanna jump on the bandwagon or whatever too early, as is my habit.
im gonna sign off now, as this is getting long and ive been here awhile! :)
thanks for rather, reading :)
momo :P