Friday, September 16, 2011


ya know, i used to treat this thing like my journal. i still do sometimes. but i have a separate journal now. not everything i feel belongs on this blog. 
but gosh, if you could see my journal, you'd see how truly broken and scared i am right now. i know i don't have time for this, got places to be and people to see.
thats another thing. i write in my journal at 11, 12, 1am because i just don't have time during the day, but i just cant sleep without getting my feelings out.
and i DEFINITELY cant be online at 1am! lol
so i know i sound broken on here, but trust me, it gets worse. 
and i usually don't let people see my broken. cuz, c'mon, who wants a friend like that?
but i have a relationship thats BASED off vulnerability.

things i need to say?
I HATE MYSELF FOR MY INABILITY TO TRUST;
AND I HATE THAT PEOPLE HAVE BROKEN ME TO THE POINT WHERE TRUST BECOMES NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE.

4 comments:

*Lizzie* said...

Just thought I would say, even in your deepest pain and when you feel like no one is there to be your friend I will be here for you. I'm not someone who lets go of friendships easy! I stick with them! AND! Guess what else?!?! God will NEVER EVER stop being your friend. He is the only one who will never forsake you but always be with you in your hurt! He feels the pain! He knows! He has been trhough it when on the cross! He will NEVER stop loving you girly!! His love and care will never end for you!!! Just thought I would tell you that! Praying for you!
Love you dearie! God bless!

Han and Momo said...

reading this stirred something in me and almost made me cry! thank you. you have NO idea what that means to me. and i believe you<3 thank you so much. and its funny because i was just reading my Bible last night and the tears were just POURING down and it just said all of these things i could relate to. and it said how God would be my shelter and protector. and about trusting...and then your comment really just furthered all of that in my mind :) so thank you! and thanks for all the prayers and for bein my friend :) love you!!

*Lizzie* said...

That is awesome that God gave you that verse! It's so amazing how when we read something in the Bible it sometimes just sings out to you!! Because it's JUST what you needed to hear! God is so amazing!!! <3
<3 u

Han and Momo said...

Ohmygosh i know!! He is sooo good like that!! i have been trying to make it a point to read my Bible every night (although i don't always keep up..but im trying!) and also my best friend has encouraged me to prayer journal, so ive been doing that a little too...its been very helpful!! and being able to get things out and talk them thru on here helps too of course!! thanks for always listening and commenting to talk to me about stuff! you are so special to me! :) <3 u too!!