Saturday, September 10, 2011

o.m.g. i just read 3 months ago. before summer even started. i wrote: "I am all done letting ANYONE, EVER, get close. enough. to. break. me."
and then, what did i turn around and do this summer? I trusted not just one person, but many people. TOO many people. heres the thing. of all the people i have trusted IN MY LIFE, you are the ONE i don't regret. i honestly DO regret some people. yeah yeah i know they taught me lessons, or that they will....all i can see right now is them teaching me not to trust. which, isn't really a lesson. its more like this baggage and these scars they left me with that i have to get over and deal with.....
but dude, i said i wasn't letting anyone get close. well, i let you get close. in fact, you are closer than any single person has EVER gotten to me. 
and you're still here. 
But my cynical, tainted-by-life mind, just keeps asking "till when?" and wont let me trust that you'll be here for forever. i took a sharpie and wrote "trust♥" on myself today. i want to see it and be reminded that i need to do that. 
im sorry. im sorry i cant trust yet. then again....its been over 2 hours...and you haven't texted me back. the last time i was the "nothing better text girl" it didn't end well.
namely because it ENDED. < /3
so im sorry, but what you are doing REFLECTS what happened in my past....if you break me...after knowing my whole past....after knowing how fragile i am......after me being so careful of you and your feelings.....if you do this to me....
ill still love you.
in spite of everything, i will always love you.
i wont break my promise. ill stick by you till you deicide you want me gone.
and ill love you forever♥ idk if thats a good thing, but its true.
"Ill be around most likely, for years to come if you need, anything..." i will always be there for you.
or at least, i hope i will. then again, when i get hurt i retreat and i hide. 
"every dream i had of us just came crashing down. its like ive been sleeping but i woke up now." 
please....prove me wrong...< /3

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