"There's always some truth behind: Just kidding, Knowledge behind: I don't know, Emotion behind: I don't care & Pain behind: It's okay."
Its true. I laugh things off, i play stupid, i act like i don't care and like everything is fine...
when deep down i am really just falling apart.
i didn't used to do this.
but somewhere along the line i started and....it progressed.
what used to be a bad habit has become a survival skill.
im not sure i could live without it.
i just don't think i could live being vulnerable all.the.time.
as it stands, i only have one relationship where i feel like its OK to let my guard down and be real.
basically because ive given everyone else a chance and they burned it.
sorry, no second chances when it comes to my heart.
especially when you don't even act like you care.
or when you act like you care and then 5 minutes later you start tearing me down.
nope. not happening.
i LIVE with my guard up. i have tried just giving myself away freely to anyone, as far as emotionally and mentally and all...
one of em anyways.
so now i have learned that living and loving require an open mind...
and a close guarded heart.
and THEN someone came along that made me unlearn all of that.
our relationship is so.open.
i love it. they are the ONLY person i can be that honest with and the best part is, i know the same is true for them.
im still dumbfounded here. i have never had a relationship like this before.
ive never seen one. one where someone wasn't tearing at the other.
one where things work out.
so ive learned this way of loving.
and while ONE.PERSON. has broke through that, everyone else still remains where they were at before. they haven't earned my heart. im not trying to sound conceited...let me try and make you understand...
what is left of my heart, will remain guarded EXCEPT for for the ONE person whom i can completely and fully trust.
to everyone else who has already had their shot and burned me, i know you think you can keep coming back. i know you think you and your smooth lies with work your way back in. i know you think this will work because its worked every time before.
but not this time.
no more scars.