ive completely lost all my ability to hope for things.
im cold, my mind is numb, i have no enthusiasm for the day...
and senior year is SO.CRITICAL.
especially MY senior year. cuz i have a LOTTTTTT of catching up to do before i can even *think* bout going to school. BUT, oh wait, thats right, i have to catch up AND figure out school.
:/ and now im scared. im scared for my future.
im scared...you wont be in it.< /3
im scared you wont WANT to be in it.
"im the person everyone replaces after a while"
and its true. and i could accept it. but that would mean that i would know the relationship is temporary and i would NOT let myself get involved would NOT let my heart get attached...
but thats just not how i operate. you love me you get all of me.
in this case, you get every bit of my past, you get every secret, every mistake.
you know EVERYTHING. i have never had someone know me like this. and ive never known someone like you've let me know you. i also know that im the first. because i know no one else knows you like i do.
all of this should be reassuring.
you are always there for me, ask me whats up, tell me you care...
and i hold.back. cuz i don't wanna scare you off or freak you out. but i have heard from people that that is my mistake. i hold back. maybe you want me to open up more, like this summer. gosh i don't know. i wish i could go back, wish WE could go back, but ill look straight ahead. no need to hurt myself with useless day dreams...