love is knowing someone still cares for you even when they don't sound like it.
love is sticking by a person throughout everything.
love is understanding that just because a person is having a bad day, doesn't mean that anything changes in YOUR relationship with that person.

but im insecure. when i sense trouble, i immediately assume its about our relationship. and no matter what that person is talking about, i get worried.
i.dont.wanna.lose.you.
and i shouldn't even be worried.
because i just realized something.
i have said things like, "always and forever, my best friend, i love you," etc.
and one of 2 things has happened.
either someone said it and so i felt the need to reciprocate it, even if i didn't mean it.
or i meant it with all of my heart.
but the other person...didn't feel the same way.
needless to say, i don't have a single standing past relationship. i mean, yeah, they are all in the past.
you know how they say some people come into your life for a reason, others for a season?
well i guess ive experienced both.
but the people that came for a reason, left once they found what they were looking for.
and the whole season thing...veryyy self explanatory.
anyways, so yeah, ive said the things we are saying to each other.
and thus far, it hasn't worked out, those relationships haven't.
BUTTT!!! all of a sudden it hit me!
we are both, for the first.dang.time.in.my.life., we are both fighting for the same thing here!!
you don't wanna lose me, and i don't wanna lose you!!!
we are honest with each other. the kind of honest i have only ever been with someone once the relationship was over and i knew i wouldn't have to face them anymore.
and, we are even more honest than that!!
this just...might work. because the whole situation is different.
and yet i am still basing it on the past. my past.
but the truth is, and i know this, that imma kill our relationship because im holding on too.dang.tight.
but, as much as i try and i pray and i cry and...
i just cant seem to let go! if anyone is reading this, and you know how to let go...please tell me.
honestly, i don't want to lose the one person that means the most to me :/
its kind of ironic, im holding on this tight so i DONT lose them.
but in the process of trying NOT to lose them, im gonna kill our relationship.
and, in fact, lose them