Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I miss winter.
I miss winter. Yes, the girl that hates cold and loves summer honestly just wrote that. Although, to be honest, I miss fall. Not really winter... But my initial thought was "I miss winter." And would you care to know why, just when it's getting nice and warm (slowly but surely) I long for the cool autumn days? It's because I could hide. I could hide in my jeans that made me feel good and my oversized sweatshirts. Slap that together with my fabulous curls that I no longer have, and you know how I looked all winter. But now... We've got short shorts. We've got bikinis. We've got tank tops and camis. We've got girls with perfect tan bodies and perfect hair. And their gorgeous boyfriends. During winter... Everyones in hibernation And Everyone wears clothes...because it's cold. I am just so sick of the looks. The "you'll never measure up" looks. I am so sick of walking everywhere with my head down. Because I am ashamed. Why?! I should love who I am. And I do. Until I look around. And the thing I miss the most? My hair. My long(ish) curls. I felt so beautiful. I can't even believe I gave them up. Because I miss them so much!! It is sad and pathetic, but I will say that it brings me to tears from time to time. Because they made me feel beautiful. Truly... Beautiful. And I haven't felt that way in a LONG time. That may sound stupid to you. But it's the truth. I miss them dearly because they were....me. But I suppose it is time to stop wallowing in my misery. I know that the Bible says not to worry about your outward appearance. And I try... But I need to feel beautiful. And so far.... I'm just not feelin it. And to top that all off, I have to start wearing summer clothes (it's lookin like starting next week it'll get warm and stay warm). And I am aiming for a wardrobe reflecting the Image of Christ. Difficult difficult combination. Summer wardrobe that is Christ Honoring... And I WANT to do it!! But I will not lie. It. Has. Been. Hard. And it still is. God, I pray, will give me strength. I definitely need it. And I need to........ ........ I need to believe in myself. I need to know that it isn't the outside appearance that makes me beautiful, but Christ shining through me. HE is my beauty. And yet it (amongst other things) is something i let the word strip me of entirely too much.