Friday, June 10, 2011

Truth is...

truth is...i am sick of feeling unpretty.
truth is...i am so tired of standing strong when i should never have had to stand at all.
truth is...i am not afraid to be weak. and i am not against being strong.
truth is...i am just sick of fighting battles that aren't even mine.
truth is...there are things that would fall apart if i didn't hold them together.
truth one even knows this.
truth is...i am pretend.
truth is...i might as well be a ghost, because everyone can pass right through me as if i mean and feel nothing at all.
truth is...i break so easily.
truth is...everyone thinks its the opposite.
truth is...i miss someone.
truth is...i cry myself to sleep over his not being here more nights than i have even been close to him.
truth heart is scarred and no one can change that.
truth is...sometimes i cant believe in love.
truth is...thats really bad cuz love is the thing i live for.
truth is...i am so sick of playing what if.
truth is...i don't know what to do with my life.
truth not even sure i know what i WANT.
truth is...i really don't know what i NEED to do!
truth is...i listen to careless music because it is the only thing in my life that helps me NOT think.
truth is...i am forever over thinking and over analyzing. EVERYTHING.
truth one gets too close.
truth is...i push people away.
truth is...i say i want people to know me.
truth is...i run when that happens...if not before.
truth is...i can pretend all i want but i know what i know.
truth used to handling everything on my own.
truth is...its so hard for me to open up. except for through writing and music. and thats why this blog is the only one who will ever hear all of this.
truth is...even my best friends don't know all the details. cuz thats just too complicated.
truth life seems defined by that word. complicated.
truth is...i am sick of being defined.
truth is...i don't wanna leave.
truth gonna miss this. a lot. and i am so scared that i wont get to enjoy it much longer
truth is...i hate when people worry and i do everything i can to get them to stop.
truth is...i cant say no.
truth is...i get talked into things i don't wanna do.
truth is...if you want something all you have to do is ask. (i should work on that...)
truth is...i get vulnerable.
truth is...when i get like this i need reassurance.
truth is...when i go looking for that it always ends badly. ALWAYS.
truth is...someone that reads this will probably take it wrong.
truth is...i wish i could stop caring what others think.
truth is...i don't mean to be mean. 
truth just sick of getting hurt.
truth is...i push first. to make sure you don't.
truth is...that doesn't make me a hypocrite cuz i just don't let anyone close in the first place.
truth is...i get lead on. so easily.
truth is...i refuse to get my hopes up cuz every time i do they come crashing down. hard. harder than if i hadn't got them up in the first place.
truth is...i know better but i dont always act like it.
truth is...i hate that girls always feel like we have to be perfect.
truth is...?

This is the most anyone will ever know about me. you have no idea....this is a lot to know. and its cryptic, a lot of it is. its just my thoughts so it might not all make sense to you.
it feels really good just to get it out there though. <3


*Lizzie* said...

Well, you sound a little sick of life to me! Well, don't turn and be weak!!! Be strong in God! Don't give up! Life isn't perfect but we need to stand strong in God!!!
Close your ears to the lies of not being pretty enough and open your ears and eyes to what God has to say and do! He made you with NO mistake! He made you beautiful! He made everyone beautiful! And He didn't make one person more pretty then the other but all beautiful!!!!
The TRUTH is.... Look at how beautiful God made you!!!!

Han and Momo said...

Thanks Lizzie. I am not sick of life and i am sorry it sounded that way. I am just...burned out right now.
And i know i need to be strong. It just gets hard sometimes, you know? This post was one of those times.
Thank you. i needed to hear those words and i appreciate them so much. Its so nice to have friends that care. <3
Thank you so much my gorgeous friend! Love you!!

Kaitlyn Nicole said...

THis is like you took my brain and transferred it to paper! Actually it's kind of e typical plea in a lot of girls hearts I least we're not alone! I think for some reason we become weary quicker from life bc we actually take time to let it all soak in. Somehow guys have this ability to let it roll right off their shoulders...I do NOT have that ability! But hopefully we can channel the passion and love for life into a way that won't completely drain us! I guess that's Gods plan anyhow, to use our weaknesses for great things!

Han and Momo said...

It was crazy...i was just having THE most off day ever. I was just feeling so lost and broken..and i just let myself. I need to stop doing that. I need to stop giving into those kinds of feelings and that kind of thinking.
But i agree! At least we are not alone! And it is entirely unfair that guys can just "turn it off" while we stay up night after night thinking things over for the million and first time! I like that though, to channel that passion :) Thanks for writing this and letting me know i am not alone in this!!