I am feeling discontent. No big deal...I'll get over it... Or maybe? I won't. What do I want?! Why is it that just when things are calm(ish) in my life, I suddenly become disconnected and disinterested and....discontent? Why can't I just be happy with the calm waters that God has given me? I ought to be thankful for them. I have had enough stress lately to last me... Well, awhile. But I'm bored. I'm bored with life. Not because God has made my life boring... But because i have. I am not doing anything. Anything at all. I am sitting around. Not making a difference... And not going after my dream. And this circles back to the topic of never allowing myself to feel good at anything. Ever. I dont go after my dream because... I am afraid of being rejected. I cannot return the stare of a cute boy with a smile because... I am afraid of being rejected. I cannot do anything because I hold myself back. But we've already been over this.