"Our July...In The Rain..."

ack. so i only have 10 minutes…i am clearly going to have to come back to this…

but i will start anyways. because i fear if i don't start soon, i won't do it at all. at least this way if i start, i have to finish.

this is it. in less than 12 hours i will be 17. not that big of a deal, right? except that this is my last year of being a "child", of high school…potentially of living at home, although that i can control, where as the other two are beyond my control.

yup. in one year and 7 and a half hours i will be 18.

an adult.

that scares me.

i have a lot of decisions to make.

tomorrow is my birthday…sure feels weird. it doesn't feel like i'm gonna be 17…

i am trying not to stress. a birthday is supposed to be fun, right?

but it just reminds me how little time i have left to actually "be a kid". and how near and looming my future really is.

i feel mature. i mean…ish.

i guess i feel like i have had a fair amount of responsibility, these last couple months especially, which has done me some good actually. a little taste of "adulthood". and i feel like i have grown up a lot this year. i am learning to have my own opinions (okay, so i have always had those!) i am learning to make up my own mind about something. whether to believe it or not; how i feel about something…

i have trusted when i shouldn't have but i learned for the future what to look out for. 

that's how i need to look at this. 

i learned something.

i can take these lessons with me.

i need to not look at my past, look back at the last 16 years, and see brokenness. no! there is far too much happiness and joy to focus on those few dark moments. i don't want to regret my childhood. i was naive. i still am. and i am in no way eager to lose that! i like being a little ignorant sometimes. i don't need to know ALL the ways of this world. and its not that i am closing my eyes to it, simply that i am not searching out answers to questions i don't even have.

*sigh…i have to go…i will be back later to add to this and post it though :)

back! :) i guess i could take out these parts of the post (the parts about coming back and stuff) but i feel that removes the spontaneity and honesty out of the post! :)

anyways, i am sitting here listening to Lee Ann Womack (Last Call, at the moment, one of my all time favorites!!) and typing :) Just enjoying my last few moments of being 16. exactly 3 hours from RIGHT NOW, and i will be 17.

I don't know...i am not feeling like i was before when i started typing this. i am not as scared. i am embracing it. maybe because i know i have to. i mean, its gonna happen, so i may as well embrace it and enjoy it!

16 has been...an incredible year. ups and downs...but the ups far outweighed the downs both in number as well as power! I don't hold onto the downs. i don't let them drag me away. anyways, i try not to! 16 has been a learning and a growing year...but for the best!

and i can't wait to see what 17 holds! <3