Saturday, April 2, 2011

Tendencies and Personality...

i am a very "all or nothing" type of person. i've come to terms with that as it keeps making it's appearance in various parts of my life. and while i'm not exactly certain it's a very healthy habit, it's one of my traits. for better or worse, it's a part of me. and i'm sure that God can use it for something good, or else i wouldn't have it, but i also know the enemy enjoys using it against me. and its very hard to battle against yourself and your natural tendencies. especially something that isn't entirely bad, but rather, is being misused. and i happen to think satan knows that, which is why he constantly takes advantage of that.
but what i am really wondering is if this is something i need to change about myself, or something i simply need to reign in? where is it that God wants me to use this? where could this tendency possibly be useful?
i know this might seem like a minor issue to most people. but i find myself questioning everything lately. and as i am on this journey to become more Jesus--like, i find myself looking inside, and trying to rid myself of evil tendencies and bad habits.
which, of course, is a LOT harder than you'd think.
some were easy to spot. not necessarily easy to remove, but at least they were easy to find and call out.
but some are harder. like this. i know my "all or nothing" personality can be used against me and used for evil, but in some ways its useful too. like when i work at something, i like to see it through. if i am gonna start something, i need to finish it. i need to give 150% or not give anything at all. which is also sometimes bad. like where i am right now, i feel like i only HAVE 100% and i am constantly giving 150%. not that i am perfect or always giving or anything AT ALL like that. but there is a need right now that i have been summoned to fill, and it requires more effort than i have some days.
so what is good? what is okay and what is harmful?
i need to know but at the same time i am hesitant.
because once i know i have to do something about it.
and i really don't want to change my personality because i have embraced the way i am and i like myself.
what is right? i will change what i need to.
i guess maybe the first thing to change is my unwillingness to WANT to change. to be where He shows me i need work. 

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