I really don't think i will EVER know. I can't know. I can't understand how much He hurt, hanging there. He took on MY sin. I should have been the one to suffer.
But He did it for me.
That is unfathomable to me.
It occurred to me the other day...that God loves us!
I mean, i knew that, but....here's the thing. He is God. And He could have, when Adam and Eve chose to sin, He could have said, "well, these ones messed up." and left it at that. He could have left us to our fate, and started over with a new group of people...He could have wiped the WHOLE earth, with the flood, instead of saving some. He could have just said, "they went against Me." He could have left it there. He could have left us.
HE. DIDN'T. HAVE. TO. FIX. OUR. MISTAKES.
But He did it.
He hung there...on that Cross. He was beaten and whipped. He was mocked and laughed at. He was scorned...For me.
He loves me.
He loves you.
He didn't leave us to our fate and you know what that tells me?
That HE. LOVES. US.
He cares or He wouldn't have gone through the trouble and pain of saving us.
Sometimes i think i know how it feels to love someone. And they hurt you but you hold on anyways.
And then i look at God. How many times do we hurt HIM?
And He still holds on. He still loves us.
I can sit here and say, "I have messed up". A lot.
I am nowhere near perfect. Or blameless. I can't go and sit in church and look at the Cross and say, "well, its a nice idea. How nice of Him to do that for the people that need forgiveness and salvation." And assume that i am apart from that! I can't sit there and say that because *I* need His forgiveness. His salvation. His mercy.
I want to be honest. I am a little nervous for service tonight. But i cannot pinpoint exactly why...
A couple of weeks ago at the retreat i went on, we ha d a service about forgiveness. We nailed pieces of paper with our sins on them to the cross. and i sat there and cried. hearing those pounds of the hammer. one after the other. i knew.
And i sat there just weeping. For our sins. For the pain that we had caused our Maker.
And our Savior.
I'm not afraid of confronting my sin. Because i've already been there.
Maybe it's because i hate to see what we did to Him. How much pain we caused Him.
When i was younger i didn't understand why Jesus had to die on the cross. I mean, i wondered why there couldn't have been a simpler way to do things.
But i realize now that everything is so carefully thought out. So interwoven. Things have to happen a certain way. The Bible says, "the wages of sin is death." It couldn't rightly contradict itself. Jesus died SO WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO.
Someone had to die.
Jesus took the rap for us. For our sin.
I'm just feeling like..so in awe today. I can't even believe it. I know i have to come face to face with my sin tonight. And i am ready. There will be tears. I know. It won't be fun but then, how much fun was it for Him to hang there, and to die for our sins?! Yeah...i am being selfish to try to do things any other way. I am not looking forward to this service. But i am choosing to go because it is wrong any other way. After what He did for me...i am being selfish to shy away from a powerful service.
It's Friday...But Sunday's comin.. <3
That's what gives me hope.
Jesus...gives me hope.
He has given me hope and so many others.
So i wouldn't have to.
He payed a price i never could have.
A price He never should have had to.
"He lived the life we couldn't..and He died the death we should have." <3 And i can never repay or even express my gratitude.