This year is probably the most challenging...or maybe the second most...
it is stretching me beyond what i thought were my limits. and while i've sort of proven that those AREN'T my limits, obviously since i've surpassed them, it still hurts.
this is hard stuff!
i feel like i am forever going. rushing. being.
once again, i'm just living.
just getting by.
and once again, i am sick of it.
and once again...
i'll do nothing about it.
because, once again, i can't.
i am avoiding life and i hate it. im not even sure what im avoiding just that i am so overwhelmed and i have SO much on my plate that im not dealing with any of it. i don't know where to start, so i just don't start.
and like i said, i LOVE helping everyone else!!
and i know i have to...
i am doing what i can to keep things from falling apart. everything i can..
and then some.
but what counts is that nothing has fallen apart.
if i had time, i'd celebrate that fact. but i don't so i can't.
im not trying to sound all depressing and melodramatic here. forgive me, but i needed somewhere to let this out.
i am just falling apart. it is VERY rare that i let people see this part of me. the side that ISN'T strong. the side that, yes, right or wrong, needs him so i CAN be weak. i need to be weak and i need him so i CAN be.
i am so confused and puzzled right now.
life. not as easy as you might have been tricked into thinking.