Monday, April 18, 2011

"I'm gonna have to learn to let you go somehow..."

"I'm gonna have to learn to let you go somehow…"

My life kind of feels ruled by that statement.
I am forever learning to let people go. It feels like as soon as i get close to someone…they leave.
It doesn't just feel like that.
That's what always happens.
And maybe people i'm not close to leave too…but i just don't notice. 
All i know is that it seems like everyone i get close to has to leave. It's almost as if they have to leave because they met me.
Which may sounds stupid but at the same time…makes sense, doesn't it?
I mean, they come into my life, get close to me, and move on.
Now, if this was an occasional occurrence, i could write it off. 
But its not! It's repetitive.
But proving this to you is not my point. Because whatever the *reason* people leave and that's the fact of it.

…But i am so SICK of having to let people go.
You keep popping back into my mind as of late. For a while, when i was trying to get my life back on track and focus on God and everything, you kind of took a backseat. And even now i am trying to make sure you don't crowd Him out, but you are creeping back in.
Hahaha! I just came across our song! I'm letting it play out now :)
"We could sit on the shore, we could just be friends, or we could jump in…" <3
But i don't need you to complete me anymore. I used to need you for that. But since giving Jesus His rightful place in my life, He has truly completed me! Which i am so thankful for!
But i still want you.
That…hasn't changed. 
I wish i could see you because it is so hard to know who i really feel when there's so many miles between us.
"I'm so glad that you took my heart, even if we're miles apart, you're the only one that i would ever give it to…" <3
"Don't forget that i'm the one back home, saying i love you through the telephone, please don't let this distance change you, i need you cuz you're all i know…" <3
Well, actually, YOU'RE the "one back home".
And you and i don't TALK. EVER. Telephone or otherwise.
And you've NEVER told me you love me. If you did it would be so much easier for me to justify these feelings i have for you. But you don't. So, clearly, i'm on my own here as far as figuring this out.
And i don't need you… But i would like to see you :) That much i have got figured out.
As far as the distance changing you….i can't even get into that because to do so would be to know exactly how you are now, and i don't. I can't because i'm not with you. So if you changed it would be hard for me to tell.
Although in the ways it counts, in the ways i know you and can recall even to this day…
No, please don't change.
I am sitting here and smiling to myself listening to this song and thinking about you. I can recall so many memories and times we've shared…OUR place, OUR song, OUR memories, OUR laughs…OURS. In my heart, there is no other way. In my mind, there's so many questions and how's and when's and what ifs'.
Which, of course, is precisely why i never USE my head ;-)
Because, in my heart, there's just us. You. And me. <3 And that's just the fact of it :)


*Lizzie* said...

Hey Morgan.
I know what you mean. It always feels like when I meet a friend they get to know me then move on to another friend!! It's sad, but we must remember God will NEVER do that to us. God is here to stay with you! He will never leave you in the dust! He loves you and me to much to do so! And I'm here too! I don't give friends up easily! When I make a friendship I try my hardest to not let that friendship fall apart! <3 So know me and Alena are always here to stay! And so is Christ Jesus! <3 Love ya! God bless!

Han and Momo said...

awww thanks Lizzie!! :) i'm sorry that you understand, because i hate that feeling of losing friends and of course i don't want that for anyone else! but i am grateful for your words of encouragement and understanding!! Both you and Alena have been such blessings to my life!! I am so thankful because it really feels that God has just been placing wonderful, Godly friends in my life. people i can trust and talk to and that understand me and encourage me in my faith! and you and Alena are some of these special people, so thank you so much!! i have been through the season of loneliness and friendlessness and this is DEFINITELY so much better!!! <3 God is sooo amazing!! :) I intend to NEVER shut Him out again, and i LOVE that He will never leave me!! He is absolutely wonderful!! <3 love you too!! And may God bless you all!! <3

Kaitlyn Nicole said...

awww. I feel like I've been down this road a lot. Moving almost 1000 miles away from my home and my life was the hardest thing of my life! and ever since that year it's like i'm constantly leaving people regardless of the miles. there's always somewhere to move onto no matter how badly you want to stay! and then i've also experienced being the one left behind. that's the worst. either way, i get you!!! I hope that we can get through it, because it's rough. good thing God would never walk out on us right! my one steady thing in life!

Han and Momo said...

awwh =( yeah i guess i have nothing on 1000 miles!! my heart breaks for you cuz 200 was hard on me! i know we will get through this cuz we have such a merciful and gracious God! <3 and i agree, when everything else goes pear shaped, He's right there in front of me holding everything together, or at least, holding me together <3