Thursday, November 10, 2011

First snowfall 
winter scares me. honestly. i think i seriously have like, seasonal depression..not to mention the whole "last winter" thing...
im scared.
i want to enjoy winter. i want to snuggle up next to the fire, with my cozy pjs and oversized sweaters, with a mug of steaming cocoa and my family surrounding me; friends to go sledding and build snowmen with, a sweet boyfriend to brush snowflakes out of my hair and make snow angels, a tree to decorate while dancing like idiots to old Christmas carols on the radio, cookies and pies and "comfort food"...
all the beautiful things about this season.
oh! and Christmas present shopping...i love it. i love the secrecy and surprises. 
seriously, this season is so..magical 
until....its been ruined for you.
now, when i think of winter, i remember long, cold, dark nights; all alone, wishing he would just go through with even half of the things he acted like he meant, emptiness, scars, tears, knowing that whatever i was wasnt enough for him and never would be...

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