Thursday, October 14, 2010

it's coming together, i can see it right in front of me :)

haha, ok so first let me say i realize most of my October posts have been song lyrics. haha, i apologize for that! there's been some exciting things happening in my life. i am..well, excited! i have really just had like, a change of heart. i can feel it. i can see it in the new way i see everything. in the way i am just happier, and more accepting of the way things are...<3 i am in love!! with the One who will never change His mind :)  i'm really not in the mood for a stupid superficial relationship right now. i mean, i'd like a real, meaningful, lasting one, but...its like, for the first time in a long time, my life feels full enough to not need someone. i have my Bestest Friend, my family, and several other great people in my life... :)
and i am about to make a difference. er, rather, He is about to make a difference. using me. or so it looks. 
but i have a fear (ok, maybe more than one!) and i will admit it to you. i am afraid that after all of this, its never gonna happen. nothing will ever happen. that just seems to be the pattern my life takes...maybe i need to do something... maybe nothing ever happens because i let it not happen...hmmm.... all i know is i am, if i may be real honest for a second, i am really sick of getting my hopes up, a plan drawn out...only to surrender before the war even starts. but even as i am typing this i can hear something telling me that maybe the reason those plans never worked cuz they weren't supposed to. maybe if i would stop making my own plans, step back from the drawing board and hand Him the marker, maybe i would get somewhere. i think i get it....
"to get anywhere in life, sometimes you gotta try.." and sometimes you gotta let go. stop trying to make things work and just let it be. let Him lead. <3

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