Saturday, October 23, 2010

"i just want...somebody to love me..."

i am just not letting myself feel right now. that's what this emptiness is, i think. i feel lonely, again. but saying that makes me feel like a broken record and i wanna scream at myself. this is...i am, so redundant!! argh! but what can i do about it? how does one change the circumstances they are given?? some are changeable, yes, but not all. and not this one. nothing i do can change this...except for maybe throwing myself at a guy. and even that i dont think would work. it wouldnt fill the hole inside me, only cover it or mask it temporarily. "Scared to let someone in, can't bear to get hurt again, but my body needs to feel a touch, someone come and wake me up..." yea, at one point i was scared. but now, i am simply desperate. sad, to look at that and know it is the honest truth. maybe this is why, for a season, i hid from the truth. because reality is ugly. my life looks so much more beautiful through fairytale tainted eyes.  i need someone. this is nothing new. something the season does, over and over again. its like, no fail. it never doesnt happen; that fall and winter visit and i feel lonely...never fails. love is only heartbreaking when its gone. it can be beautiful but at the same destructive....<3

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