"I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue, im only as good as that last one.."

im so freaking sick of fake people. you hate me. i.get.it.
so why do you come around and act like you dont??
im seriously not stupid and you're seriously not fooling anyone.
and i dont care what i sound like. after all,
you already hate me.
what do i have to lose?
so you hate me. you did before. you do now. you probably always will.
im not concerned with how to get you to stop hating me.
this isnt middle school anymore. you dont have to like me. i can handle it.
does this mean i dont ever miss what we had? well of course i do. you and i were pretty close, once upon a time. and i honestly miss those days. but they were built upon innocence and naivety. things changed, you changed, i changed, and, as a result, WE changed.
it happens.
it doesnt really bother me.
because its not like im looking at you and wishing youd like me.
its more like, im remembering you and wishing you were still like that.
because to be honest, i dont really want anything to do with you.
not anymore.
and to be even more honest...
im not too torn up about the way youve changed. it just makes it easier for me to not like you.
it makes it easier to..
forget about you. altogether.
and this would be perfection but..
but as per usual with you, youre sitting here faking your way through this.
and so you keep pushing your way in and pretending like you belong with us and like you even want to be with us..
but the truth is, if you could, youd be rid of me. its not us you want to be with. because i know full well that, given the opportunity, youd just as soon get rid of me altogether.
im not stupid.
i dont want anything to do with you. i dont want you to show up and ruin my perfect week.
but youre gonna.
and nothing i can say or do is gonna stop you.
because i wont say or do anything at all.
i hate how catty and petty and just plain stupid this whole thing makes me look.
not to mention..jealous. pathetic. ridiculous.
so i keep my thoughts to myself.
if someone says something, i agree.
but i will never come out and say it myself.
nope. i cant. i cant bring myself to do it.
so i keep all of this to myself.
you drive me craaazy.
but youll never know it.
most everyone will never know it.
i hate how this makes me look.
and i hate that i care.
...
mostly i guess i...i dont say anything because i dont want to be that girl.
because everyone id share my feelings with, knows you too. and i dont want to sound like im trying to come between you and them. or like im trying to make them pick.
because im not.
id love to.
but i wont.
because i know how extremely awful and wrong that is.
im not perfect.
but one of the many differences between you and me?
i dont pretend to be.

but one thing we do have in common?
we both pretend like everything is 'just fine'.
dang it.
i never wanted to have anything in common with you.
especially....something like this..<\3


"Shes been wishing on the stars that shine so bright, for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight.."