Friday, January 13, 2012

Couldn't Conceal


i need to get away, but i have nowhere to go.
i can't even think so right now i don't know
i try to catch my breath
but i'm drug from one place to the next
and when i finally scream
for everything
to just stop and let me be
it runs away
and i end up chase
ing after it
and still i can't breathe

-chorus-
i pace as i wander
outside in the winter weather
the snowflakes fall like tears on my face
but i can't blink them away
not like the real tears
i've been hiding them for years
but as the snowflakes melt
they run down my face to reveal
the pain that is my heart
the parts that i couldn't conceal


i've held my breath for so long
i'm not sure i'd know what to do if i was told to breathe now
i've been chasing after something elusive
wasting energy on something i'd never get to hold
and i've got a mouth full of excuses
but not the breath to let any of them go

i pace as i wander
outside in the winter weather
the snowflakes fall like tears on my face
but i can't blink them away
not like the real tears
i've been hiding them for years
but as the snowflakes melt
they run down my face to reveal
the pain that is my heart
the parts that i couldn't conceal

to tell you the truth
sometimes it's easier to lie
and sometimes those stubborn tears
become so hard to hide
as i walk through the bitter, razor-edged wind
i cling to my jacket, pull it close as the ice burns my skin
and then there's no need for the snowflakes
the real tears fall and freeze to my face

and i pace as i wander
outside in the winter weather
the snowflakes fall like tears on my face
but i can't blink them away
not like the real tears
i've been hiding them for years
but as the snowflakes melt
they run down my face to reveal
the pain that is my heart
the parts that i couldn't conceal


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eleven months later...and it still feels real.
it all feels very real to me.
it comes back over me.
these feelings werent fake then, and they arent now.
in fact, they might even be MORE real now..
im feeling everything and nothing right now.
i have too much on my plate and i know it.
im losing myself.
im blaming innocent people for my own mistakes..
and for the mistakes made against me in my past.
im broken and untrusting.
i find it hard to forgive.
but mostly..
i find it hard to be REAL.
thats why im losing myself.
because when you hide yourself away for so long..
inevitably you begin to lose yourself entirely.
thats whats happening now.
i can feel it.
i hate this.
i hate the tears i have to hide.
im sick of holding a smile in place all day..
only to cry in the darkness.
thats where i am.
darkness.
i dont want to be.
but i am.
i hate it.
and every once in a while light pokes thru.
but it always disappears quickly.
but normally i wouldnt let any of this out.
id keep these feelings inside.
but i guess..
this is just that part of my broken heart...
that i couldnt conceal..

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