Sunday, January 22, 2012

"Every part of me is broken..still i cant explain.."

~Our July In The Rain~ He is We.

speaks my heart.

"bring me back to holding hands in the rain, i swear id ease your pain.."

"Ive had time, ive had change, ive been broken but still i cant explain.."

i cant even explain. id try. but nothing would come out. and no one cares to hear it anyways.
i type words and i delete them. words have such a power. and im fearful of it now. i didnt used to be. is it good that i fear them now? is this a lesson i somehow needed to learn? no, ive always known words had power. i think back to the power words have had over me. my whole life. controlled by someones words to me.

but one thing i never considered was the power MY words might have. but not only am i afraid of hurting, im afraid of the power my own words hold against me.
because they've been held against me. my own words....why does everything ive ever loved hurt me? or let me down? or break and shatter me pieces?
cynical much? ya, i know.
i need to be saved. im drowning in this. but i wont let myself even acknowledge this need. because if i let myself know i need this, im not gonna be able to live without it. its better to deny it. to everyone and even to myself.
you probably think im crazy, if you're reading this..
and..i probably am..
but i think more than anything,

"Im a ghost of a girl, that i want to be most.." -story of my life.

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