"Its 3 am. and i finally say. that im sorry. for actin that way. i didn't really mean to. make you cry. oh baby. sometimes i wonder why. why does it always have to come down to you leavin."

wow. so is this what its gonna be from now on? is the game over? or are you just walking off in the middle of it?

who said you got to decide anyways? 

"is that all i am to you, a mistake?"

is this the truth? the sad, hard, solid truth?

"At this point im expected to move on."

so much for fearless love. how bout feelingless love? haha. yea, i guess thats more like it. but the truth is...i've always felt something for you. i couldn't stop if i tried. and trust me, sometimes...i wish i could.

my friend got engaged last night. ENGAGED!! wow. and here i am...crying over you. when in actuality, you are the LAST thing i should be crying about right now. 

THERE'S WAAAAAYYYY BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN YOU RIGHT NOW!!

and yet...you're the easiest to focus on...

you're the easiest to put all my energy and tears into...

and so i do.

you are a distraction, a diversion. 

but more than that...i wish you were here to hold me right now. to hold me tight...and never let go. i need someone..i need you. and im not even being dramatic...i really do. i need to feel something, or else i need someone here to feel for me. 

i've been asking my friends to pray right now...because i need someone to do it for me. i feel like...i cant even get the words out. it just hurts and yet i am numb at the same time. 

but who is going to feel for me? who is going to do my feeling so i don't have to.

ya know, its funny and its ironic. i'm walking around downtown today and theres this snowy fog thats settled in and covered the town.

that's what i feel around my heart. that theres this fog thats settled in and covered it. i feel like i am walking around through life, looking at things through a haze...like i can see it...but not clearly. and i know EXACTLY why that is.

i know EXACTLY who can fix it.

and its not you.

but you are easier to reach for. 

and yet you don't help.

you just make the fog thicker.

and there is only One that could take away the fog...so...why don't i let Him?

♥