Sunday, December 18, 2011

yupp..i should be packing right now. my sister's bag is sitting downstairs, already packed and set to go. and mine is still empty on my floor. my best friend and i decided last night to be happy and embrace our circumstances and stop wallowing in self pity. we even agreed to keep each other accountable, as we do with everything, to be positive about life.. and yet, what she doesnt know.. i cant do this. i cant. i hate that im now keeping secrets..?? noo..i never wanted that to be true. well, she cant talk right now and, honestly, i dont think i could get words out anyways. im just sitting here letting ke$ha play thru my headphones and typing this jumble of words..bc i dont know how to do anything else. if i actually had to talk to SOMEONE..and not just not sure i could do it. because everything is either lies, or truths i cant say.. what she doesnt know is i sit here and type this. i tweet my feelings. i listen to sad music. i cry in the shower and every night when the light goes off. my life.. and yes, i SHOULD be making the best of it, like we said. and i tried. all day. but when i feel like im losing something.. something that meant near the world to me.. theres nothing i can do BUT fall apart. but i couldnt put these feelings into words and share them because the one person i wanna share them with... is the one person im afraid this miiiight be true about. and then i look at reality and i feel stupid and im like, "of courseee they love you.." sighhh... in a confused and insecure little girl lost in this crazy world..<3

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