Friday, December 23, 2011

Im really dragging my feet for Christmas. Christmas eve tomorrow..say whaaaat?? i cant believe its really here... it doesnt feel like it at.all.!! im excited, for sure! dont get me wrong:) i loooove Christmas!! im just a little sad...because this is the last year i get to celebrate as a "kid". ok im sad for more than just that reason.. im sad because i didnt expect to be celebrating alone. i know thats stupid and completely NOT the point of Christmas...but im just being honest. there was a time i believed i would, finally, not be alone on Christmas. i thought id have a sweet boyfriend to open presents with. the sit by the fire with. seeing the happy, adorable couples skating together last night was like..salt in the wound. idk..and maybe im just being stupid. i shouldnt have planned 2 months in advance, even i can see that. but..i finally had someone...i didnt want to let him go! im so sick and tired of being alone.. even if he wasnt right, he was something. and..thats all i wanted. someone. well, evidently i wanted more. because he tried to come back and..i wouldnt let him. im proud of myself for that..i think.. no i am. i made the right choice for me. i finally stood up for myself! and sure, it wasnt with the people it mattered MOST with..but..its a start:) so i guess..i am ok. i wont lie, i wanted to spend the holidays with someone. doesnt everyone? but...i NEED to learn to be content with God. i know i do. and i want to..its just..hard. but life is a journey. they day it stops being hard will be the day i go to Heaven and probably not a second sooner..and i think im ok with, and even LIKE, that. i like working for things<3 But theres something God has NEVER made me work for. Thats His love. His forgiveness. HIS Christmas present to me is free<3 just sayin..:)


*Lizzie* said...

Hey Morgan. Looks like you're just a bit sad... :( And I'm sorry for you! I encourage you to try this Christmas to take your eyes off the pain, off the hurt off of being alone and try living this Christmas worshiping God. Now, I'm not saying your pain doesn't matter and your weird to be sad that you are going to be alone this Christmas.NOPE! Not what I'm saying!
But there is so much! So much hope! So much!!! God has a HUGE plan for your life! Even through the pain! He seriously does!
I know, sometimes even I wish I had a sweet boyfriend. Or just to have more friends to hang out with. But God has been showing me a lot lately. He has been showing me that I don't need a boyfriend. Don't need more friends! All I need is Him. He is the ONLY one who can fill that empty spot in yours and my heart! He is the only One who can make you content. He is the only One who can make you happy without ups and downs to your relationship with Him. And guess what else?! He does have a special person for you. But you just have to wait. God will bring the right person to you sometime. By talking so open to you I don't want to sound really bold or annoying. :) Which I might be :P lol. But my heart seriously goes out for you girly! And I want so badly to encourage you to know there is hope in the pain! And in the feeling of being alone! God has a special person for you! All you have to do is wait. Sleep like sleeping beauty in Christ. In this waiting time grow closer to God!
Praying for you Morgan. I pray that you would find joy even in the pain this Christmas and fully enjoy yourself this Christmas. That God would bring you closer to Himself and show you new and amazing things this Christmas! Love ya girly <3 so much!
God bless!

Han and Momo said...

Hi Lizzie! Thank you soooo much!! i didnt get on here until after Christmas, but i honestly have to say, i could FEEL the prayers you were sending up for me. because yesterday was amazing! i had so much fun and hardly even gave being single a fleeting thought. thank you thank you thank you so much!!! and you never have to worry about speaking too boldly. my friends should speak into my life in love and thats what youre doing:) thank you so much! i love you and i hope you had a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! <3