Monday, December 19, 2011


Ron Pope<3 Goshh i love this guy:) "Im holding you closer than most, cause you are my heaven.."--the lyrics i have written on my arm today:) im feeling better...i think i am. something just...flipped. i grabbed my Bible last night...for the first time in SO. freaking. long. but i did. and i read. and i..i almost cried actually.. God has faithful. thru everything. and i know He always will be. but me? i was so..doubtful and stupid.. i feel ashamed to even admit this. i feel stupid. for so long, throughout this whole process, i didnt tell anyone about my doubts. because i felt like such a bad Christian. and i felt one would understand.. and i was afraid of being judged. but im just gonna say it now. i dont even care. forget the masks, the pretenses.. im sick of hiding. this is me. the good, the bad, and the ugly. ... and, i dare say, the beautiful. i need to breathe. i need to believe. i need to become. just soak it up. just..all of it. ill still say though, when i told someone the other day that i needed out of this town and to just go somewhere no one knows me and i know no one...i meant it. and i still do. i do feel like i need to get away, just..get away, from everything. just for a while. i need to get ME back, before i can deal with everything. and, while its not exactly what i had in mind, i do get a little vacation... and i intend to make the best of it. <3 God has a plan in everything. i know it. ive seen His will work out through some of the most AWFUL, ugly and heartbreaking situations. and theres still some things i sit here and wonder how good will EVER come from them. but i trust my Father. and i know He will make things clear to me in HIS time. <3

No comments: