i let people take advantage of me.
i don't know why. i just do.
and nothing ever changes as a result. because i either stay and let them play me, or i run away and never look back.
i for one am sick of running.
and im also sick of staying.
does anyone see an option C?
i am praying, i have my girls praying…but nothing is very clear right now. and i would just wait to make a move, wait until the answer was crystal clear. but i can't. i'm on a deadline. if i have to walk in there on wednesday and i don't have an answer for you…an excuse…
more than anything you want me to comply. but i won't. everyone tells me to, but then, since when did i listen to everyone?
and im not referring to my close friends, my mom…i'm referring to, once again, people who are sticking their noses in my business. and the one person i trusted to stick up for me, stood there and agreed…
i am stuck. i have to pick. i want to run. someone please help me. i know i have nowhere to go from here but up, and yet i still feel like i'm going down.
i remember the freedom i felt last autumn. i said i was done. done with everyone and their stupidity. i walked away from a life and never intended to return.
i was so happy i was actually dancing around my backyard when i hung up that phone. it wasn't planned, but something came over me and i knew i had to do it.
so i did.
i felt so free.
and then i came back.
i got talked into something i didn't want to.
i said i was strong.
i proved i was weak.
and i let myself believe things weren't "that bad".
so i let them progress to the points where i came home in tears. i was afraid to go somewhere for fear of who might be there. i longed to leave this whole town behind. because, instead of making friends, like normal kids, i made enemies. lots of enemies.
all because i wouldn't let someone walk all over me.
i eventually got out of that situation.
little did i know that, in walking away from that one, i was walking right into the doors of another. right into the arms of another person who only wanted to push me around.
and people wonder why i have trust issues?
i just can't let this scene escalate the way the last one did. so much was broken. my heart in pieces…and i'm pretty sure in the process i hurt some other people. because of you i had to leave people behind. people i cared about. i ran. and i never looked back.
i wanted to. not for you. but for the people i was hurting.
i am still working to rebuild those bridges i burned.
all because of ONE. PERSON.
and i vowed to never go down that road again.
note to self. when there is an unmarked road, ask around before venturing down it.
so yeah, maybe i learned my lesson for next time.
the only question that remains, is how to get out of this time…?