Monday, May 2, 2011

Why would you wanna break, a perfectly good heart?

i let people take advantage of me.

i don't know why. i just do.
and nothing ever changes as a result. because i either stay and let them play me, or i run away and never look back.
i for one am sick of running. 
and im also sick of staying.
does anyone see an option C?
yeah…me neither. 
i am praying, i have my girls praying…but nothing is very clear right now. and i would just wait to make a move, wait until the answer was crystal clear. but i can't. i'm on a deadline. if i have to walk in there on wednesday and i don't have an answer for you…an excuse…
more than anything you want me to comply. but i won't. everyone tells me to, but then, since when did i listen to everyone? 
and im not referring to my close friends, my mom…i'm referring to, once again, people who are sticking their noses in my business. and the one person i trusted to stick up for me, stood there and agreed
i am stuck. i have to pick. i want to run. someone please help me. i know i have nowhere to go from here but up, and yet i still feel like i'm going down.
i remember the freedom i felt last autumn. i said i was done. done with everyone and their stupidity. i walked away from a life and never intended to return. 
i was so happy i was actually dancing around my backyard when i hung up that phone. it wasn't planned, but something came over me and i knew i had to do it.
so i did.
i felt so free.
and then i came back.
i got talked into something i didn't want to.
i said i was strong.
i proved i was weak.
and i let myself believe things weren't "that bad".
so i let them progress to the points where i came home in tears. i was afraid to go somewhere for fear of who might be there. i longed to leave this whole town behind. because, instead of making friends, like normal kids, i made enemies. lots of enemies.
all because i wouldn't let someone walk all over me.
i eventually got out of that situation.
little did i know that, in walking away from that one, i was walking right into the doors of another. right into the arms of another person who only wanted to push me around.
and people wonder why i have trust issues? 

i just can't let this scene escalate the way the last one did. so much was broken. my heart in pieces…and i'm pretty sure in the process i hurt some other people. because of you i had to leave people behind. people i cared about. i ran. and i never looked back.
i wanted to. not for you. but for the people i was hurting. 
i am still working to rebuild those bridges i burned.
all because of ONE. PERSON.
and i vowed to never go down that road again.
note to self. when there is an unmarked road, ask around before venturing down it.

so yeah, maybe i learned my lesson for next time.
the only question that remains, is how to get out of this time…?


Kaitlyn Nicole said...

aww Morgan, that sounds awful! I hate those kind of situations! I'll be praying everything gets resolved, because obviously you can't do this on your own! love you!

Han and Momo said...

Thank you so much!! Seriously your prayers mean so much to me!! I definitely can't do this on my own!! love you too! <3