Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I'm used to leaving...

But what if i want something more?
Why is it that every time i fight for what i want and win, i start to second guess if its really what i want after all?
i got what i wanted. so why i am i trying to backtrack now?
I am feeling so much right now that i don't even know how to get it all down on paper. And i know i will feel so much better once its out there and i can see my feelings for what they are…but sometimes i just don't even know where to start. 
everyone keeps asking me, but i don't have an answer for them.
because, as much as i thought i did, i don't know what i want.
no, thats not true. i know what i want. i just don't know what the right next move is.
i am so quick to make a move and think about it later. not very Christian living though, now is it? yeah..so i am trying to wait on God. Which is a lot easier when you have 
A. patience
and
B. time to decide. 

but i have never been patient.
and i am forever under time constraints.

still i am trying to take time to seek out God's Will…guess its time to open my Bible and ask my girls.
if anyone reading this has advice for me…ha. i guess it would help if i told you what im talking about! ^_^ hahaha

my job. my boss wants me to do illegal things, confronted and lied to my mom, got angry with me on the phone and, when i told her i was uncomfortable working illegally (for cash) at an offsite warehouse with people i don't  trust, she told me she "doesn't care what i'm comfortable with".
i was offered a job with my mommy. fabulous! <3
its summer work.
should i keep this other crummy job as backup, in case i don't find something come fall?
or should i run and never look back because….that is what i SO long to do?
do i stay, or do i take a risk, jump, and see if i fly?
<3 Thanks love you! :)

2 comments:

Lady Florimel said...

Hey Love!! What a tricky situation!! It is so hard to decide big things like this! But thinking through this, well, why would you keep this job to work for a grumpy boss when you have the opportunity to move on and wipe the dust from your feet?? I'm not saying you should jump on my advice, you decide what you want to do, but... it seems God has opened up this new job for you...so mabe you should move along in faith that Christ has the bigger plan for you. Trust Him always dearie, for He is trust worthy!! Love you!! And as always praying for you!
Your friend,
Alena
p.s. I hope I don't sound like I'm trying to be like the "wise old owl", or like I'm being pushy on what "I think is best". :)

Han and Momo said...

Thanks for your advice!! Seriously!! You are sooo right and don't worry, i don't think you're being pushy or anything! I appreciate your genuine advice :)
you are right. i know that God is capable of saving me and catching me and He proved that (though He didn't need to prove Himself, of course!) when He gave me a new job! And i know that He could carry me through this too, i just need to give Him a chance to step in.
Thanks!! I am pretty sure she is getting my 2 week notice this weekend and i will be out of there before the end of the month, if things go according to plan.
i appreciate your prayers SO much!!
and you are RIGHT!! HE IS trust worthy!! And i am trying to trust Him! <3
Love you,
Morgan <3