The more and more i am honest with myself…
i don't think you and i are as perfect for each other as i may have let myself believe.
and this is why i hate being honest. even with myself.
but sometimes you have to. you have to stop and just say…this is what it is. at first, denying my feelings for you was nothing more than a survival tool. snooping little siblings, especially little brothers that i was afraid would let info slip, made it necessary.
but all of a sudden i am coming face to face with the reality that maybe…
maybe all of this was a pretty little dream. ya know, the kind that seems so real. the kind you never want to wake up from.
i think i just woke up. =/
and as much as i hate to admit it to myself….
i think i was holding onto you. because i needed something to hold. someone to hold.
and so i grasped onto you.
or maybe its just that ive been away so long. maybe my not seeing you is what has got me doubting. i don't know. i am scared. i don't want you to fade.
but at the same time, i feel peaceful.
which might be what scares me most.