Sunday, September 26, 2010

Ghost of You

"Turn my back, to the door
Feel so much better now
Dont even try, anymore
Nothing left to lose
There's a voice thats in the air,
saying don't look back no where
There's a voice thats always there...

And I'll never be, quite the same, as I was before this
Part of you, still remains, though its out of focus
You're just somewhere that I've been,
And I wont go back again
You're just somewhere that I've been.....

Im breathing in, breathing out
Aint that what, its all about?
Livin life, crazy loud
Like I have the right to
No more words, in my mouth
Nothing left to figure out
But I dont think I'll ever break through
The ghost of you...

And I'll, never be, like I was
The day I met you
Too naive, yes I was
Boy, thats why I let you in

Wear your memory like a stain,
Cant erase none of the pain
Here to stay with me forever...

Im breathing in, breathing out
Aint that what, its all about?
Livin life, crazy loud
Like I have the right to
No more words, in my mouth
Nothing left to figure out
But I dont think I'll ever break through
The ghost of you...


One of these days I'll wake up from this,
Bad dream im dreaming
One of these days I'll pray that I'll be
Over, over, over you
One of these days I'll realize that,
Im so tired of feeling confused
But for now, theres a reason that you're still here
In my heart...

Im breathing in, breathing out
Ain't that what, its all about?
Livin life, crazy loud
Like I have the right to
No more words, in my mouth
Nothing left for me to doubt
But I dont think I'll ever break through
The ghost of you...

Breathing in, breathing out
Breathing in, breathing out
Like I have the right to
No more words, in my mouth
Nothing left, to figure out
But I dont think I'll ever break through
The ghost of you..."



I don't know why, but this song holds a special place in my heart. i feel like, anyone can write/sing a happy song. a song that says, "everything is perfect in my world, i've never been happier"
but you see someone, really see them and what they are made of and what they feel...when they write or sing a meaningful song. that's definitely what this is. <3 "You're just somewhere that i've been and i won't go back again, you're just somewhere that i've been..." you are my past. you shouldn't be, but you are. actually, you just got caught in my past. i had to leave other things behind and, by default, i ended up leaving you behind. but, like the song says, i can't go back again. you have no idea, but for me to come back to get you...i just can't go in reverse. i can't take back everything that has happened since we were split up...nor do i want to...i mean, i want YOU, but...i don't want everything that comes along.. with going to you... "Turn my back, to the door Feel so much better now Dont even try, anymore Nothing left to lose There's a voice thats in the air, saying dont look back no where There's a voice thats always there.." stop, take one more look back...and move on. this is it. no more living in the past. and i could sever all ties with it...except for one. i just can't do it. and i stand here and cry because i can't go either way right now. i can't move on still living in the past. and the only way i see to do that is to cut off all ties with it completely. not that i don't wanna take what i learned with me, good times, and all that. but i just want to live my future. which i can't do always looking backwards. so it should be simple. cut the ties, and move ON!! .....i can't lose you. i can't let you go because...maybe i should. maybe i should let go and move on. i can't decide. and i can't just cut you out but i can't start walking away from it all either, because, with a piece of my heart still in your hand, i'd just be dragging you, and my whole entire past, along with me. and, when you are dragging your past everywhere, there is no room in your life for anything else. there is no room for anyone to get close when my past is completely surrounding me... And there is no chance for a future. there is just no room for it.... Great, so i just dug all this up...what do i do? is there a way to take you and only you? leave all the past behind so i CAN make a future, but take you? because i just don't know what to do. i am so sick of living in the past because i want to live my future. i can see it, it is so bright. but it is only an illusion for now. because i am not even in the present. i'm still living out the past...all for you... <\3 the only way i could move on would be to just get over you. but i don't really wanna get over you...i like you. i don't want to just get over you and move on. i don't wanna forget you. if i want to move onto the future, my future..."One of these i pray that i'll be over over over you..."

"But for now, there's a reason you're still here in my heart.." maybe my future is YOUR future. maybe you ARE my future...hm... there has gotta be a reason you are still here...

maybe ultimately i need to let go.
i need to let you alone
trust that this will work out
somehow
we will get through this,
are you ready to do this
i need you to be
if you wanna be with me

writing a love story
can be so boring
when its all in my head
i need something real something instead
i'm sick of going this life alone
and i've been waiting on you to show
i've been expecting that you would know
i wanna write this story yes
but i'd rather have it be real than in my head

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