Monday, September 20, 2010

Definition of a girl: mood swings!!

what can i say? i am laying here and i am empty. i am not usually like this, but i have my moments. one thing that helps me through is knowing this isn't forever. that it will pass in time, as it always does. but sometimes i just get caught up. i wanna feel something. but at the same time i feel too much. close your eyes. fall into His Arms. but i am holding on. onto something.
i dont know what to say. i dont know where this is going and i dont know where i wanna take it.
"and when the day is done, do you have the feelin, that you're all alone, givin up on your own dreams" {miranda cosgrove}
Taylor Swift just came on the radio now. "Today was a Fairytale". she can make me so happy. her songs anyways. :) i want to live that song, haha. "Today was a fairytale all that i can say, is now its gettin clearer. nothin made sense till the time i saw your face, today was a fairytale...can you feel this magic in the air, musta been the way you kissed me..."
that gets me in trouble too, because then i feel like i need a guy to make me whole to make me complete and to make me happy. which i know isn't true, oh, i know in my core inner being that it isn't true. i know that only God can truly make those things.
"won't take nothin but a memory, from the house that built me..."
"the moment i could see it, yes yes, i could see it"
my sister is sitting in here skipping around on the country radio :) makes me happy. its happy. i really am. but there is just something trying to drag me down tonight. maybe i just need to make a conscious decision to NOT fall into it. to not let it get the best of me to not let it get any of me.
"You said, "I'll never leave you alone"
I'm holding onto that. Jesus. I am holding onto You. oh, i know that is a line from the newest Taylor Swift song. and i know that Jesus isn't really who Taylor was probably referring to, but that's how i am choosing to take it at this moment. i need to put my faith in Jesus, the True Love of my life :)
weird how i seem to sound all "religious" lately. im not trying to be. but i really dont see it as a bad thing. :) i see it as proof that Jesus is just pulling me closer to Him. and i'm not writing about Him to be all snooty and 'holier than thou'. i am writing about Him to tell myself things i should know but sometimes need to be reminded of. when i write i let my heart tell my fingers what to type. my head and mind arent involved. so when i write something its from my heart and sometimes i need to write out for my head to know it. make sense? haha, if it doesnt thats ok. most of what i say doesnt make sense to other people. im just telling myself what i need to know right now. and what i need to know and remember and hold in the front of my mind is that Jesus is everything. He is everything a guy can be for me, but He is also everything a guy can't. if i hold a guy to the standard of being Jesus for me, i am gonna be hurt over and over and over and over again. no one can do it. if they could we wouldn't need Jesus. and trust me, we all definitely need Jesus :)

"never let your prayin knees get lazy, and love like crazy"

love, always, forever <3

-notice how i started this post kinda depressed and by the end was happy and spiritually refreshed, at least to some degree. haha. well thats a good thing i guess. writing is good for the soul. its good to get all your feelings out sometimes. just like a good "for no reason at all" cry :) love

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