Sunday, November 14, 2010

"so i'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes, all that i know is i don't know, how to be something you miss"

will i ever, EVER be perfect enough?!?! i think not. i feel like...i keep messing up and i keep falling short. and i am so confused. i don't even know where i stand at this moment. so how could i possibly figure out someone else?  
"you are an expert, at sorry, and keeping lines blurry, never impressed by me acing your tests..."
maybe...maybe i am so sick of wondering. i want to......arghhhhhh!!!!!!
what i want is for you to come here....and YELL AT ME!!! i really do. tell me i am wrong. tell me to get a grip. grab me by the shoulders and make me look you in the eye. make me listen to you. and say...everything. just be mad at me. just for once. 

because i am sick of being mad at myself. i am sick of my shortcomings...and i am sick of hating myself for loving you, when it seems you couldn't care LESS!! 

if i could even hear you say that you love me, the way i love dreams wouldn't HAVE to be the thing that keeps you alive. if i just knew you loved me.
if i just knew IF you loved me

i if you were here...

i could stop falling apart.

....i'd really like to stop falling apart.


Kaitlyn Nicole said...

don't you hate that, how a guy can completely control who you are and how you behave sometimes! how do they do it?! but lately God has been showing me that man has NO control over me. and they shouldn't. God's just a daily thing. but it's SOO hard!!

Hannah and Morgan said...

passion...heat of the moment. because now i look back at that...but i know exactly what i was feeling in that moment; words capture feelings so well sometimes. :) the truth is, i DO let guys define me sometimes. and while i hate to admit it, they do control me on occasion too, clearly! i really like what you said about God showing you that no one has the right to control you. how true is that!! :) i need to learn that, i need God to really make that present in my life...because, right now...i'm not doing such a great job of remembering it and applying it on my own! ....just shows me, once again i am much i really do need Him! <3