so i was thinking this morning about how i haven't been able to write any songs lately. it just feels like i've sorta run out ideas at the moment. its like there is nothing exciting or dramatic happening in my life right now. and this happens from time to time. i think it sorta happens to everyone. ya know, when it just feels like nothing is going on. i feel like...i dont feel anything. but then it occurred to me. maybe this is the plains. the plains of life. like, in life you encounter mountains and hill that you hafta climb over, like obstacles in your life; and then theres the valleys that you hafta walk through. the sad, hard things in life. the things that hurt you. and then, maybe, just maybe, theres the plains of life. where...nothing is happening. maybe this is our time to relax and recover.
i went to church this past weekend. i participated in church this past weekend. and i havent done that in a loong time. but the pastor was talking about how sometimes in life you just feel like giving up. it just feels like the world is caving in on you and sometimes it just gets too heavy for us and we just wanna say "forget it" and drop it and let it fall on you. and that really hit home with me. oh, i wasnt feeling like taking my life or anything drastic. im not depressed and i really love life. but i was feeling disconnected. i was feeling...
see it was like there was so much stuff i HAD to do everyday that i just couldnt get it all done and still have time to think and feel and...be.
but this stuff had to be done so... i was getting it done. i was doing my chores, helping around the house, going to work (which was the big thing)...i knew something had to change. i knew i had to stop. not stop anything in particular...but just STOP. stop life. many times throughout the past couple weeks i actually found myself wishing life has a "pause" button. just stop. that was what i needed. but i didnt know how to get there. i could feel God, hear God saying "make time for Me". but i just didnt know how.
and then i went to church. and it was almost like a work of God, for all i know it coulda been. because the pastor gave us 5 steps. what to do when we felt like we had had enough when we needed things to change.
you should have seen me. i had my notebook out so fast and i was scribbling notes all throughout service. at some point i think i even stopped listening to the pastor explain it and i just started letting God speak to me and tell me how to apply this to my own life.
but heres the thing. i am not perfect. (like you didnt know that right?) because even with this new found knowledge...im not making that big of an effort.
i feel like i need a church. i need a youth group. i need Christian friends to see on a regular basis. i need a youth group. i need a small group....
i need motivation. i know what i need to do...and i need to JUST DO IT!!! like the Nike slogan. JUST DO IT!
if any one reading this would maybe offer up a prayer for me, id be super grateful. see, thats the one thing ive got down. ive been praying, like for real. talking to God. but....i need to crack open my Bible. maybe i'll do that when im done. like, seriously, 5 minutes of my day!! and i just...dont do it.
ok. im not sure entirely where i am going with this anymore. so enough rambling and i will sign off..