Let's Be Real For Just A Sec, Then You Can Go On Pretending Everything's OK...

I hate it when it feels like the whole world is caving in on you. And
there's nothing you can do to stop it cuz...its the whole world. It's
so much bigger than you and it's so much deeper and heavier than you
can handle and you watch it fall. And you know it's gonna fall on you.
It's the worst feeling in the world to realize that something awful is
gonna happen just seconds before it does. There's no time to prepare
for it. No time to run away and hide or take cover. Granted, maybe
it's worse if you never see it coming. But this feels pretty awful as
it is.
It feels awful to lose your best friend or someone you love.
It feels awful to walk away from a relationship and leave things
broken, knowing you'll never have a chance to fix them.
It feels awful to be left out.
It feels awful not to fit in...and to know you never will.
It feels awful being on the outside of a perfect situation. watching someone else be loved and knowing you'll never be loved that way. You'll never be treated like they are.
It feels awful to listen to your parents fighting and slamming doors
till two in the morning.
It feels awful to hate. Your friend. Your enemy. Yourself.
And yes, I know that there are way worse problems than mine. Don't
even bother telling me, I know. But I can't feel those other problems.
All I can feel is my own. All I know is how something, a situation,
affects me. I'm not trying to be narcissistic. But all I can do is
feel something for myself.
Right now... It just feels like NOTHING IS EVER GONNA STOP! but I know
that isn't true. And yet...right now I don't believe it. I can't
believe it. Even though my head knows it's true my heart doesn't. And
that's all that matters. I listen to my heart. Whether that's good or
bad I don't know. What I do know is it's what it is and always will
be. I am who i am and that's not gonna change.
And I'm not sorry.

(Song Lyrics Below.)

THE WAY IT IS....

I won't aplogize
For what I feel inside
But when I open my mouth an the words come out
It's then I wonder an begin to doubt
Myself
Was that actual
Factual
Or am I just overreacting
That's what they tell me


Somtimes it's easier to keep your mouth shut than deal with the
consequences
Cuz usually it hurts more in the end
Harder than the silence woulda been
Some people might say that's wrong
But in my world it's been a survival tactic for so long
An that's not gonna change
It's just the way it is
...just the way it is

I know I am strong and I don't question that
But when it's all goin wrong an the only way to fix it is to take it
back
That's when I know I'm outta luck
I see the shots comin at me with no time to duck

-chorus-

Survival
Or denial
In all this pain
What do I really gain
Am I really helping myself
Or am I just giving my ammo to someone else
Saying "fight away"
Then I hide away
I've gotta face this
If I wanna change this
Like I say..... I do....
But sometimes it's easier to

-chorus-



~Love, Always, Forever~