Im really dragging my feet for Christmas. Christmas eve tomorrow..say whaaaat?? i cant believe its really here... it doesnt feel like it at.all.!! im excited, for sure! dont get me wrong:) i loooove Christmas!! im just a little sad...because this is the last year i get to celebrate as a "kid". ok im sad for more than just that reason.. im sad because i didnt expect to be celebrating alone. i know thats stupid and completely NOT the point of Christmas...but im just being honest. there was a time i believed i would, finally, not be alone on Christmas. i thought id have a sweet boyfriend to open presents with. the sit by the fire with. seeing the happy, adorable couples skating together last night was like..salt in the wound. idk..and maybe im just being stupid. i shouldnt have planned 2 months in advance, even i can see that. but..i finally had someone...i didnt want to let him go! im so sick and tired of being alone.. even if he wasnt right, he was something. and..thats all i wanted. someone. well, evidently i wanted more. because he tried to come back and..i wouldnt let him. im proud of myself for that..i think.. no i am. i made the right choice for me. i finally stood up for myself! and sure, it wasnt with the people it mattered MOST with..but..its a start:) so i guess..i am ok. i wont lie, i wanted to spend the holidays with someone. doesnt everyone? but...i NEED to learn to be content with God. i know i do. and i want to..its just..hard. but life is a journey. they day it stops being hard will be the day i go to Heaven and probably not a second sooner..and i think im ok with, and even LIKE, that. i like working for things<3 But theres something God has NEVER made me work for. Thats His love. His forgiveness. HIS Christmas present to me is free<3 just sayin..:)