"Can you help me forget, dont wanna feel like this forever.."

"I know im a mess and i wanna be someone, someone that id like better, i can never forget, so dont remind me of it forever..what if i just pulled myself together, would it matter at all? what if i just tried not to remember, would it matter at all?.." ohh..skillet<3 listening to this song reminds me of the LAST time i was here. memories carry me back to september.. september. back when everything was so right. <33 i miss it. but that word isnt big enough to describe my feelings. not even close. im so filled with regret. and shame. and tears that threaten to release at even the thought..the memory.. im still so sorry.. but i didnt even do it. but that doesnt matter. because i didnt stop it, either. and yes, im aware that the past is the past.. whats done is done. yes, i know. but, in my defense..no..i cant say that.. sighh.. just another thing i miss. being able to say what i really think.. im not interested in typing only "ok" parts of what i want to say.. so ill just stop here. i wanted to express how much i miss..us. but i cant. so never mind.. but i hope..i hope you know.. its a lot.