Feeling Life

so i was thinking this morning about how i haven't been able to write any songs lately. it just feels like i've sorta run out ideas at the moment. its like there is nothing exciting or dramatic happening in my life right now. and this happens from time to time. i think it sorta happens to everyone. ya know, when it just feels like nothing is going on. i feel like...i dont feel anything. but then it occurred to me. maybe this is the plains. the plains of life. like, in life you encounter mountains and hill that you hafta climb over, like obstacles in your life; and then theres the valleys that you hafta walk through. the sad, hard things in life. the things that hurt you. and then, maybe, just maybe, theres the plains of life. where...nothing is happening. maybe this is our time to relax and recover.

i went to church this past weekend. i participated in church this past weekend. and i havent done that in a loong time. but the pastor was talking about how sometimes in life you just feel like giving up. it just feels like the world is caving in on you and sometimes it just gets too heavy for us and we just wanna say "forget it" and drop it and let it fall on you. and that really hit home with me. oh, i wasnt feeling like taking my life or anything drastic. im not depressed and i really love life. but i was feeling disconnected. i was feeling...
see it was like there was so much stuff i HAD to do everyday that i just couldnt get it all done and still have time to think and feel and...be.
but this stuff had to be done so... i was getting it done. i was doing my chores, helping around the house, going to work (which was the big thing)...i knew something had to change. i knew i had to stop. not stop anything in particular...but just STOP. stop life. many times throughout the past couple weeks i actually found myself wishing life has a "pause" button. just stop. that was what i needed. but i didnt know how to get there. i could feel God, hear God saying "make time for Me". but i just didnt know how.

and then i went to church. and it was almost like a work of God, for all i know it coulda been. because the pastor gave us 5 steps. what to do when we felt like we had had enough when we needed things to change.
you should have seen me. i had my notebook out so fast and i was scribbling notes all throughout service. at some point i think i even stopped listening to the pastor explain it and i just started letting God speak to me and tell me how to apply this to my own life.
but heres the thing. i am not perfect. (like you didnt know that right?) because even with this new found knowledge...im not making that big of an effort.
i feel like i need a church. i need a youth group. i need Christian friends to see on a regular basis. i need a youth group. i need a small group....
i need motivation. i know what i need to do...and i need to JUST DO IT!!! like the Nike slogan. JUST DO IT!
if any one reading this would maybe offer up a prayer for me, id be super grateful. see, thats the one thing ive got down. ive been praying, like for real. talking to God. but....i need to crack open my Bible. maybe i'll do that when im done. like, seriously, 5 minutes of my day!! and i just...dont do it.
ok. im not sure entirely where i am going with this anymore. so enough rambling and i will sign off..
<3

Im Awake Now

Hey yall, im back :)
and ive got good news this time! I've "come back to" God. Not like i really walked away. but id just become very desensitized to the ways of this world and i'd really fallen away from having a relationship with Him. i was feeling like something was missing. i was feeling a little empty. And i was wondering what could fill me up. I was looking around the world trying to find what i thought i needed and wondered why it wasnt coming to me. and when it did come...why wasnt i feeling full...or at least better. why was it that all those relationships that i thought would make me feel less lonely actually did the opposite?
Its cuz they werent permanent. God is ALWAYS there. But my friends... arent. No human can be. I feel like being away from a church for so long, i forgot what i knew deep in my heart.
But this past week at church there was an 'Army of One' gathering. Lots of churches came together and we just worshipped for about 2 hours. And if anything is going to speak to me, its music. it was amazing. i could just literally FEEL God's Presence wash over me. I didnt even really wanna go Mini Golfing after that, which, honestly, is the big reason i went that night. (well, that and friends...) But God used that opportunity and...Pulled me to Him. He knew i needed it. I became sorta vulnerable there. I was open. And Jesus just jumped in. i dont know exactly how to explain it. i know it was real. it still is. I am making a more conscious (sp?) effort to have a relationship with Jesus. I dont WANT it to just be my 'religion'. i want it to be the relationship i say it is. And now im really getting back to that!! :) Praise God, right? He always knows exactly what we need and how to get it to us!! :)
So, i just wanted to tell all my blogging friends about this amazing experience...revitalization :D
LOVE Y'ALL, AND MY AMAZING LORD!
momo <3

Church thoughts....

hey yall :) its morgan. ive been thinking and im not really sure what i wanna talk to you guys about first, but... i guess first id hafta say that im sorry i havent been keeping up on this very well. But i promise that i am going to be doing a better job. Ok, now, off to blogging!!



Ive been thinking about church today. My family has been searching for a church for about 2 years now. We go from one church to another just trying to find one that suits our needs. That will fill us spiritually and lead us closer to God. I havent been that big on church ever. First because i was really just too young. And then as i got older we were leaving our home church because we were leaving our home and moving away. And what i just learned (although i think i knew parts of this) is that our "home church" just pretty much turned their backs on us once we decided we were leaving. And that was pretty crummy of them especially because we had been soooo involved in that church. We had been serving for years, we were there about every other day of the week being involved in many different ministries and whatnot. We filled the needs. And then when we had a need, they left us hanging dry.

So i guess that put a bad taste in my mouth about church. That, and when we moved, i just wanted to have what we had back home. And we just couldnt find it, we couldnt recreate it. Whenever we tried out a new church, i think i really just kept comparing it to our old church. And thus far, we've never found anything like that church. But we went back once and i realized it wasnt as great as i was remembering it to be. But that really wasnt even the point. I just liked that because we were so involved, we knew everybody. And knowing people and being known is an incredible feeling. Everyone loves it...

Oh, i guess one other thing i should mention so im throwing this in here. i am viewed as the "good Christian girl". the "by the book" kind of person. the funny thing is, i hate rules and i havent gone to church or even liked church much, in quite a while. And although i like the idea of church now, i cant find one that is anything like im even thinking a church should be! Go figure! anyways, its storming so im gonna sign off and so watch it (although technically, since i added this in here after i typed the whole post, theres still more for you to read even though im signing off!)

So now we are still trying to find a church. But ive really given up the notion of trying to find a church that compares to our old house. But i'll be honest. I have replaced this idea with a new one.

I want to start a church...moreover a youth group. More than i even care about having a good church to attend regularly, i care about a youth group. Because if there is one age group of people i feel God has really put on my heart, its kids my age. Things are so different for teenagers in this generation than they were for like even our parents when they were teens. The world is just a different place now.

So what I'm thinking is this very informal setting, where high school kids can get together. But here's the catch. 2 of them really. First: i really don't like most high school kids. I think they can be very shallow and immature. Second: I AM A HIGH SCHOOL KID!!!!!! yea, i know. What i really wanna do is help kids just like me. and kids that have had harder lives than me...

IDK. actually, i do. I wanna meet with them and talk and get coffee and just be a part of their lives. This is both a new desire and an old one. Its new to me how much passion i am suddenly feeling about this. But i have also been thinking about this and rolling it over in my mind for a while. i realize to some degree i need to be a little older to do this. i need to be maybe 20 or so. still young enough to be relateable but old enough to be like, not one of them.... or maybe there is something i can do now. maybe there is something i can do to relate to these kids, these teens, that are just like me.

i think ill pray about it. i mean, if this is God leading me, then i definitely wanna listen and follow. and if not, i dont wanna jump on the bandwagon or whatever too early, as is my habit.
im gonna sign off now, as this is getting long and ive been here awhile! :)
thanks for listening...er rather, reading :)
momo :P