Isn't It Funny...?

Ya know. It's funny how someone can come in and just completely change
your life. And then walk out unfazed.
Like they can either make your life better or they can mess you up
entirely.
It's funny how just making friends with someone can make you a lot of
enemies. Buy one friend get five enemies. Free of charge.
It's funny how you think you love someone and then they break your
heart and mess up your life...and you still say you love them. But
that one person out there that loves you and would be so good for
you... Is invisible to you. Trust me, he thinks it's funny too.
It's funny how you think if you give in you'll be with someone
forever. When the truth is, as soon as you get in that bed it's
already your last night as a couple in his mind.
It's funny how you think you're invincible.
It's funny how it takes tragedy for most of us to appreciate our lives
and the people around us.
It's funny how they say hate is such a strong word... And then throw
"love" around like it doesn't mean anything or like it doesn't have
any power. When, in actuality, it has just as much power as hate...
Just in the opposite way.
Its funny how you can walk into somewhere expecting to come out
unscathed. And by the time you leave you're limping and covered in
scars and bruises.
It's funny how you expect things to be one way and they just go
completely opposite. Just as if to prove you wrong. It's funny how
confused you can get. Being in a relationship of any kind with a
manipulator can really mess you up. You never know just what to make
of them. Its funny how one minute they're your best friend. And the
next they're screaming at you.
And it's funny how you can see all of this and it doesn't make a
difference to you. Its funny how IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING...
It's funny how you'll let someone take advantage of you, when you said
that was something you'd never do. You said no one was ever worth
allowing them to put you down... And yet look around you. See the
people you've surrounded yourself with?
It's funny how people are.
It's funny how we throw away millions of pounds of food a day, dump
out perfectly good glasses of water, when there's people out there
dying. Dying because of starvation and lack of clean water to drink.
It's amazing to me how wasteful we are. We think everything is
expendable. And with the attitude of "everything is expendable" has
come the mindset of "everyONE is expendable".
It's funny how we use people. At some point in your life, you've
probably either done it to someone or had it done to you. Someone
waltzed into your life. I'm sure you had no idea you were being used.
But you were. Or maybe you used someone else. For whatever reason, big
or small. Doesn't matter. It's this whole stupid mindset we have.
It's funny how many people think they don't need God in their lives.
I've got two things to say to you.
1: If it weren't for God... YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE!!
2: "Have you looked at your life?!" I mean, really and truly, look
around. I know from first hand experience that life without God...
Isn't life at all. There is no point in living if you're living
without God.
It's funny how a girl doesn't even think about it...until
she's pregnant. And then... Well, it's a little too late. Now if you
don't want this baby, you hafta kill it. It's alive now. And if you
suddenly decide to think about it now and realize that, at 17, you
really don't want a baby...you hafta kill it. Or you hafta go through
a teenage pregnancy and give birth and... Neither is a great option.
Obviously I don't support the first option. But I realize the second
isn't a great one either. It's funny how we never think about this
stuff until it's actually happening. You never pictured yourself
pregnant and alone... But look at where you are...
Isn't life funny?
Is it...?


~Love, Always, Forever~

Let's Be Real For Just A Sec, Then You Can Go On Pretending Everything's OK...

I hate it when it feels like the whole world is caving in on you. And
there's nothing you can do to stop it cuz...its the whole world. It's
so much bigger than you and it's so much deeper and heavier than you
can handle and you watch it fall. And you know it's gonna fall on you.
It's the worst feeling in the world to realize that something awful is
gonna happen just seconds before it does. There's no time to prepare
for it. No time to run away and hide or take cover. Granted, maybe
it's worse if you never see it coming. But this feels pretty awful as
it is.
It feels awful to lose your best friend or someone you love.
It feels awful to walk away from a relationship and leave things
broken, knowing you'll never have a chance to fix them.
It feels awful to be left out.
It feels awful not to fit in...and to know you never will.
It feels awful being on the outside of a perfect situation. watching someone else be loved and knowing you'll never be loved that way. You'll never be treated like they are.
It feels awful to listen to your parents fighting and slamming doors
till two in the morning.
It feels awful to hate. Your friend. Your enemy. Yourself.
And yes, I know that there are way worse problems than mine. Don't
even bother telling me, I know. But I can't feel those other problems.
All I can feel is my own. All I know is how something, a situation,
affects me. I'm not trying to be narcissistic. But all I can do is
feel something for myself.
Right now... It just feels like NOTHING IS EVER GONNA STOP! but I know
that isn't true. And yet...right now I don't believe it. I can't
believe it. Even though my head knows it's true my heart doesn't. And
that's all that matters. I listen to my heart. Whether that's good or
bad I don't know. What I do know is it's what it is and always will
be. I am who i am and that's not gonna change.
And I'm not sorry.

(Song Lyrics Below.)

THE WAY IT IS....

I won't aplogize
For what I feel inside
But when I open my mouth an the words come out
It's then I wonder an begin to doubt
Myself
Was that actual
Factual
Or am I just overreacting
That's what they tell me


Somtimes it's easier to keep your mouth shut than deal with the
consequences
Cuz usually it hurts more in the end
Harder than the silence woulda been
Some people might say that's wrong
But in my world it's been a survival tactic for so long
An that's not gonna change
It's just the way it is
...just the way it is

I know I am strong and I don't question that
But when it's all goin wrong an the only way to fix it is to take it
back
That's when I know I'm outta luck
I see the shots comin at me with no time to duck

-chorus-

Survival
Or denial
In all this pain
What do I really gain
Am I really helping myself
Or am I just giving my ammo to someone else
Saying "fight away"
Then I hide away
I've gotta face this
If I wanna change this
Like I say..... I do....
But sometimes it's easier to

-chorus-



~Love, Always, Forever~