Never grow up...

Today is my little sister's birthday! She is fifteen! That is like...mind blowing to me! Because, it is one thing for me to be seventeen. But it is a completely different thing when your baby sister turns FIFTEEN!!!
I guess i am realizing that i am not the only one growing up...
can i be honest, for one sec?

I miss these days.

I am so proud of all of us. sure, we have our fights. our disagreements. issues...

we are growing up. and, for the most part, i love who we're becoming. 

but....this is so hard! 

I am going to college next year! or anyways, im supposed to!

Leaving.

And right now, more than EVER....i  long to be 5 years old again.

But i know i will never again get that opportunity.

And i am just not sure how to deal with that.

I miss laying on the rug pretending it was the mayflower ship.

You know, when you're 7, 8, 9...whatever, pretending is the easiest thing in the world. At that point, i didn't pretend as a survival skill.

I pretended because it was fun. because, back then, i could be anything i dreamed i was.

And look at us. We were close. Everyone (for the MOST part) got along. 

And to some degree we still do...

but a house full of teenagers and almost teenagers... well let's just say there hasn't been much 'Mayflower play acting' recently.

I am happy for my sister and i am proud of her and i cannot wait to celebrate with her today! :D

But i cannot forget that we are growing up... and this will all end too fast.

"To you everything is funny, you got nothing to regret, i'd give all i have honey, if you could stay like that, oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, just stay this little, oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up,  it could stay this simple, no one's ever burned you, nothings ever left you scarred, and even though you want to, just try to never grow up..." <3

"I just realized everything i have is someday gonna be gone....i wish id never grown up...i could still be little...wish id never grown up, it could still be simple..." <3